ENTRY 5:
On a web comic game forum:
Herbert: So to recap. Each of you will be playing a goblin in my custom d&d-ish world, and, weÔÇÖve all gathered here on the forum for the first session at the same time, regardless of time zone, so that we can knock out some play by post rapidly, the better to get into character. And, at my momÔÇÖs insistence, in whose basement I live, you all will start at 2nd level. Introduce yourselves.
GlocksAtYou: IÔÇÖm playing a cleric who specializes in archery, and whose order is more militaristic. That should keep me in the back the better to healbot.
AsksToMunch: IÔÇÖm playing a barbarian, who is always hungry. His catchphrase is ÔÇ£Are you going to eat that?ÔÇØ Thinking about being hungry helps me go into rage.
SwearsHats: IÔÇÖm playing a paladin, whose aversion to traditional swearing has taken on the unusual substitution of hats. His catchphrase is ÔÇ£Son of a beret!ÔÇØ
Flamb├®s: IÔÇÖm a sorcerer supreme, specializing in fire.
ThinksLoJack-aly: IÔÇÖm playing an older monk, with a dark past as an escaped slave. I took the substitution feat Track to be able to find slavers, and aid escaped slaves.
SwearsHats: I can get behind that goal.
Herbert: Great! Now close your eyes for a moment as you imagine the steady tap tap tapping of the key strokes. Slowly open your eyes and watch the cursor moving hypnotically across the screen. The world around you fades as your vision tunnels toward the story spinning out in front of you.
The World is calling you, reaching out through the electrons and pulling you In. As if from a great height you find yourself falling onto a dusty plain with 2 boxes of equipment.
KRACKOOM!
SwearsHats: What the Fez, where are we?!!
AsksToMunch: Who are we!? IÔÇÖm huge, and small. I mean IÔÇÖm muscular and hungry.
ThinksLoJack-aly: Guys, if that is you, then I think we have bigger problems. I saw a dust trail heading this way on our way in.
GlocksAtYou: Alright everyone, grab your equipment from the boxes and get ready for a fight! Well, one box, it looks like the other one exploded during the  transition.
Flamb├®s: Ow, my head!
As everyone gears up certain gear seems to call to them: Glocks finds a magical bow, Swears finds a hat of disguise, Asks finds an oversize sword, and LoJack finds a magical cloak to supplement his loin cloth.
ThinksLoJack-aly: Cool, so I have a couple of monk weapons that look like they will aid my martial arts style, and let me block. What did you guys get?
GlocksAtYou: IÔÇÖll tell you what I donÔÇÖt have. I donÔÇÖt have armor to fit me. The only armor fits the yellow goblin.
SwearsHats: That would be me, Swears. I also have an axe.
AsksToMunch: I seem to be able to wield this sword despite how big it is. I hope Herbert gave me a size bonus on damage.
ThinksLoJack-aly: Compensating for something? *smirk*
SwearsHats: Do you really think d&d rules apply here?
AsksToMunch: I donÔÇÖt know. I appear to be my character. Who was Herbert anyway? Had any of you ever met him any place other than the forum?
Flamb├®s: I knew him. *holds head in hands* He said he had something special planned for us, *whimper*, something out of THIS world. Oh no, no, no. He was kind of weird, living in his momÔÇÖs basement. She was odd too. *Ahh* They had all of these really old looking books, and UV paint on the walls in the basement. It BURNS. He did not say it would hurt this much, the fire, the fireÔǪ
Flamb├®s collapses to the ground unconscious, with a trickle of blood coming out of his nose.
Glocks: IÔÇÖm thinking the game was too much for Flamb├®s
***
Six riders come up and circle you. They have whips and scimitars.
Thinks: Slavers.
Glocks: Hey, I should have seen them coming in enough time to cast Bulls Strength on myself; it is part of my standard tactics. Anyway, I shoot one.
Asks: I rage and attack.
You donÔÇÖt rage.
Asks: What? I mean IÔÇÖm really mad, why wouldnÔÇÖt I rage?
One slaver shoots a crossbow at Thinks.
Thinks: I block it.
Swears: I jump up to knock one off of his horse as I disguise to look like him.
He does not get knocked off the horse, but you are on the horse right behind him and can make an attack. He hits you.
Asks: See, my friend is hit, and I need to rage.
Two arrows come from Glocks and hit at point blank range. The bow seems to adjust to your strength bonus, and has splitting.
One slaver misses Thinks, two hit Asks.
Asks: See, Im hit, I use that to fuel my rage aw come on!
Thinks: I break a horse leg.
It stumbles throwing the rider.
Asks: IÔÇÖm getting pretty tired of being left out of this. I reach deep inside,
remembering that I havenÔÇÖt eaten in this entire life, fueling my hunger for blood with my memories of hunger from another life! I attack one of the ones that attacked me.
HeÔÇÖs chopped in half. Looks like your weapon gives you reach too.
Swears and the slaver exchange punches. You think Swears won, but you are not sure; neither is another slaver who hesitates.
Glocks: I shoot the hesitator.
He will hesitate forevermore. One hits Glocks from behind. Two others get up off the ground.
Thinks: I go mano on goblino on my guy.
Goblino FTW.
Asks: Rahhh!
Asks cleaves another one, though not all the way through. The momentum of the horse must have helped last time.
Swears, on a horse: Holy haberdashers! I wheel the horse on the fallen slaver.
Glocks: And I shoot the last one, or anyone trying to get away.
Everyone is breathing rather hard, though the monk has a nice in through the nose out through the mouth rhythm going. Asks is still frothing.
Thinks: Hey Asks buddy, calm down now.
Asks, a glint in his eye, advances on Thinks.
Thinks: Asks! Munches! There will be food in the saddlebags!
The light goes out of Asks eyes and he feels tired.
All: LOOT.
The saddlebags donÔÇÖt have more than a single human meal each, a waterskin, and a dayÔÇÖs food for the horses. The clothes from the slavers may protect you some from the sun. These riders only had a few copper and a silver each.
Thinks: The main slavers must be close; these guys could not have come far.
Glocks: I heal Asks.
Swears: IÔÇÖll be a watchmanÔÇÖs cap, what do we do now? (I LOH myself.)
Asks: Did any of you occasionally hear what sounded like Herbert during the fight?
Glocks: Not me. Not yet
Thinks: Well, we have horses, but Flamb├®s will have to be led. We could try to head to a city, or towards or away from the slavers.
Swears: I get the sense that Herbert planned this intro fight for us. The next one may not be so easy, and that 2nd box looks like it had some good stuff in it. I saw a broken magicianÔÇÖs staff, burnt rope belt, charred prayer beads, melted metal, cracked goggles, boiled bottles and more I could not identify. Why ever Herbert sent us here, weÔÇÖre not as prepared as he expected.
Asks: Any extra food?
Thinks: I can get us close to the slavers, and then we follow them? Cause I donÔÇÖt see why we would choose any other direction.
Glocks: Agreed, we follow the tracks back to camp, but we try to stay out of sight. Asks, if you want extra food, all that there is is the bodies.
Asks: Err, suddenly I remember what it is like to be human earlier today and I donÔÇÖt want to turn cannibal yet.
***
You find the camp just after nightfall. They have a watch, and you are remarkably tired somehow not being used to riding horses. Flamb├®s seems to have a fever and none of your spells seem to help him.
Glocks: I rest and recover spells I pray to Herbert.
*grins* You recover spells, and split the watches of the night without incident.
Swears: Hey guys, this is real, I mean really real. I did some thinking last night. I always wanted to be a paladin. That is why I choose that character. But actually being a character, well, it has some advantages over RL. IÔÇÖm strong, and healthy, and I wasnÔÇÖt back home. Aside from Flamb├®s there, who still hasnÔÇÖt woken up, I think I like it here.
Munches: I know what you mean. Social situations here are easy compared to back home. There IÔÇÖd not know what to say to a girl, but here, well, IÔÇÖve played role playing games as long as I can remember. I know most things we kill, and then gold and fame works the rest of the time. Unless we need to be sneaky, or diplomatic, but neither of those is my strong point anyway.
Thinks: Shhh. Just because they are making noise breaking camp over there doesnt mean you can blabber over here. But yeah, I like being good at martial arts and seeing in the dark. The oriental monastic mindset is peaceful too. Im sure well find challenges, but if we level, we can rise to make a difference. And along the way maybe figure out why Herbert sent us here.
Glocks: Well, I could ask him.
*stunned looks*
Glocks: Yeah, turns out Herbert is a god in this world and that detail must have gotten filled in on my character sheet. I was kinda vague on the background of my order. I just wanted to play in a game after so long GMing that I rushed it.
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The characters are amalgamations of forum regulars, characters created by THunt, and my own ideas. No part of the story should be taken as a commentary on anyone.
Further, the plot is largely stolen from / an homage to my 30 year old memory of the beginning of The Sleeping Dragon by Joel Rosenberg. I think I've added enough to it that it is not straight plagerism, and ultimately this is a non-comercial fanfic.