Butler, cut me some milk! (Open to all!)

[raaabr]

As requested, sir. Your Tomcat trained in meteorology.


Butler, analyze the house of leaves.

[LooksAndSmiles]

Can't do it Sir, everyone has left already. (Badum - tsss.)

Butler, create my portrait using ant-acid and sugar.

[LAYF]

I would love to, but all our base belongs to someone else... I can make it in sugar and caramel pudding?

Butler, fetch me the hammer of he who observes and shows signs of happiness!

[raaabr]

Fetched, sir. You may add it to your trophy wall, along with the Rocket, and the Hat, sir.

Butler, Get me a bucket of Elbow Grease

[Patdragon]

Your in luck sir just give me a moment to wring out my clothes.

Butler, go save Tempts Fate, where ever he is.

[Quarg]

Yes, Sir I will transfer a million pounds to Mr. Thunt immediately...

Butler, Secure our berth on the Queen Mary...

[ThroughTheWell]

It is so secure that I am certain that nothing less than a team of trained ninjas will be able to break into your berth now that the QM has sailed over the horizon.

Butler, bottle me some unicorn farts. I like the rainbows.

[raaabr]

Sir, I shall begin preparing Baked Beans.


Butler, get me a bucket of Steam!

[Wolfie]

Right away sir. How many games would you like in your bucket and can I borrow your Platinum card?

Butler, find me a Unicorn's demonic godchild!

[WearsHats]

One planet-sized Transformer coming right up!

(Or did Sir mean a narwhal? Sometimes it's hard to tell with you, Sir.)

Butler, the medications and therapies aren't doing any good. Get me a good night's sleep.

[raaabr]

I'll get the Forget-Me-Stick, sir.


Butler, don't follow this command!

[Davecom3]

Sir is feeling a bit contrary, I see.

Butler, fetch me the maps to Atlantis, El Dorado, Mount Olympus, and the Fountain of Youth. I must figure out my travel agenda.

[WearsHats]

Yes, Sir. Maps to Atlantis (Casino and resort located in the Bahamas), El Dorado (casino and resort in Nevada), Mount Olympus (highest actual mountain in Greece), and The Fountain Of Youth (park in Florida). Although, if I might suggest, the Mount Olympus resort (located in Oregon) and Fountain of Youth spa (in California) might be more what Sir is looking for.

Butler, my dog is getting old. Make him young and healthy again. (And don't think you can fool me by buying a puppy of the same breed. That trick stopped working after I turned 7. ... Okay, 17.)

[raaabr]

Yes,Sir. Should I call Medea? Or would sir not like to drink Dog stew?


Butler, take a course in how to actually be an effective Butler.

[raaabr]

Hmm. I seem to have created a massive screeching halt...

Butler, revitalize this game!

[GathersIngredients]

Certainly, Sir. Step back, please, while I am using the defibrillator.

Butler! Get me a gooseberry bush that will thrive in Canada's climate and some packaging materials to mail it.

[Quarg]

Yes, Madam shall I also schedule your burning by the Canadian Invasive Species League for this afternoon?

Butler, get me the next set of winning lottery numbers...

► Show Spoiler

an easy one to help us get back up the hill

[Wolfie]

Aye sir, which agency would you like me to bribe this time? And for how much?

Butler, I wish for a genuine Angus delmonico steak, medium rare with a baked potato on the side. served promptly at 6 pm.

[raaabr]

*sigh*. Yes Madam, I'll use the time machine and teleporter to get to New York. You know how much I dislike being pulled apart like a ball of yarn, Madam.

Butler, bring forth the one who knows nothing, yet is knowledgeable above all else!

[Quarg]

Yes Sir, I will fetch your teenage daughter immediately....

Butler, Bring me the head of Tina Fey...

[GathersIngredients]

Just the head, Sir? Or the head with the rest of the body still attached?

Butler, get me the secret original Sacher Torte recipe!

[raaabr]

Yes, Madam. I shall get both Original Recipes for lucrative amounts and serve you both at every meal. Then I shall give you this convenient recipe found on Wikipedia:

► Show Spoiler

Sacher Cake (Sachertorte) "This is the original recipe, obtained through the courtesy of Mrs. Anna Sacher."
3/4 cup (170 g) butter; 6 1/2 oz. (180 g) semi-sweet chocolate; 3/4 cup (170 g) sugar; 8 egg yolks; 1 cup (120 g) flour; 10 egg whites, stiffly beaten; 2 tbls. apricot jam; icing: 1 cup (225 g) sugar; 1/3 cup (80 ml) water; 7 oz. (200 g) semi-sweet chocolate;
Beat butter until creamy. Melt chocolate. Add sugar and chocolate to butter; stir. Add egg yolks one at a time. Add flour. Fold in egg whites. Grease and butter 8-9" cake tin. Pour mixture in. Bake in 275 degree F (140 degree C). oven about 1 hour. Test with toothpick or straw. Remove to board; cool. Cut top off and turn bottom up. Heat apricot jam slightly and spread over top. Cover with chocolate icing, prepared as follows:Cook sugar and water to thin thread. Melt chocolate in top of double boiler. Add sugar gradually to chocolate. Stir constantly until icing coats the spoon. Pour on top of cake

(By the way, Madam, Excellent taste)

Butler, find me a clairvoyant who is legitimate!

[Davecom3]

Sir, I have found this clairvoyant to be a legitimate fraud.

Butler, prove the unprovable is unprovable.

[WearsHats]

I thought we'd been through this, Sir. In order for the Creator of the Universe to exist, such a being must needs have an existence outside the known universe. We do not currently have the technology to look outside the known universe. Furthermore, any effects of the existence of such a being would, of necessity, be inherent to the fabric of the universe as we know it. Therefore, the existence (or nonexistence) of such a Creator is proven to be unprovable.

Butler, make me feel better.

[GathersIngredients]

Yes, Sir. Which near-death experience would you prefer this time? You always feel better after escaping Death's cold grasp.

Butler, make sure there are NO plane crashes in the next 48 hours.