Butler, cut me some milk! (Open to all!)

[raaabr]

Yes Madam. I shall use the switcher to switch all planes into cars. No more plane crashes, only Car crashes!

Butler, decipher the root of my username!

[LooksAndSmiles]

Hmm, sqrt(raaabr) = sqrt(r²a³b) = ra^3/2b^1/2. Which would look something like "ra&". Sir.

Butler, install this "facebook" thingie onto my pocket watch, please.

[GathersIngredients]

Sir, with all due respect, I'll give explaining this to you one last attempt: I know it DOES show the time, too, and you DO keep it in your pocket most of the time, but it's still called a 'smart phone'. And you don't need to install facebook on it, just surf there with any Internet browser.

Butler, get me the complete series 'Superman, the adventures of Louis and Clark' from an alternate existence, where they don't mess up the plot completely after Louis answers the proposal with a question. And be quick about it, too!

[raaabr]

Yes Madam. "Superman, the adventures of Louis and Clark: Electric boogaloo", as it's called in that alternate universe, had a truly terrible plot from the beginning, and was cancelled after only 1 episode. Did Madam want me to go to a different universe?

Butler, prepare the mansion for a zombie apocalypse.

[GathersIngredients]

Would Sir like me to engage the defensive system, or put out brain-hors d'oeuvre and stain-proof the carpets, furniture and tapestries?

Butler, supply me with a list of ridiculous commands for you, I'm out of ideas!

[raaabr]

Yes Madam.

1. Butler, you're fired.
2. Butler, have a raise.
3. Butler, Take a day off
4. Butler, Stop following the orders of a maniac who constantly asks for impossible tasks that require all of your mental faculties to find an answer to and you get no reward for doing so.

Butler, find me a slinky...that can go UP stairs!

[LAYF]

Of cause sir, I'll turn on the escalator right away.


Butler, perform that belly dance those nice ladies did down at the gentlemen's club, and have it look good! I can't stand the look of your hip bones and rib cage... you need to eat!

[Quarg]

Sir, which one of your current wives would you like me to copy? You do remember you married them both last night....

Butler, go fetch some Romulan Ale from the other side of the Neutral Zone...

[raaabr]

I'll just be taking the keys to the Normandy, sir.

Butler, Find me a perpetual motion machine.

[Patdragon]

I found one sir but I've lost the key to the to the dimension hopper so i can't visit the friction-less world at this moment.

Butler, I've just decided to start up a gladiator arena so people can watch epic fights. Go find me the best fighters so we can run trials.

[GathersIngredients]

Terribly sorry, Sir, but Russell Crowe's agent told me to shove it.

Butler, find me a way to stay young and healthy for the rest of my life!

[LooksAndSmiles]

I'd suggest an immediate death then, Sir!

Butler, paint me the Mona Lisa!

[Enkrod]

Well oofff cooourse... here she is Sir! And here is your white cane and trusty guide dog.

Butler, bring me a voodoo priestess who is also a fashion consultant!

[Patdragon]

Sir the last one we found thought shrunken heads were in fashion and we still haven't got your head back to normal size yet.

Butler, bring me a pack of Pringles that once I pop them I truly can't stop.

[raaabr]

Yes sir. Just step here, open the can, and...*dives behind cover*. Thank you for opening that can of infini-can Pringles. Hope you enjoy the flood of them! *BWAHAHA*

Butler, get psychoanalyzed. You're recent thoughts have given me fears that you're a sociopath.

[LAYF]

I can't see why, in fact why would your ideas, feelings or well being mean anything to me?

Butler, bring me that pickaxe I planted in your skull two weeks ago, and stop laying there doing nothing! you started to smell twelve days ago!

[zorbax]

I am terribly sorry sir, but regretfully that butler was not immune to dying.

Butler, bring me my scooby-snacks.

[raaabr]

Sir, here they are. I made them with this recipe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Hx69YNHrVU

Butler, create a chair that does not move at all. As in, it's atoms don't move. I need the greatest, most sturdy chair possible!

[WearsHats]

Yes sir. I have brought your chair down to absolute zero. Try not to freeze your butt off, sir.

Butler, I get 1,000 channels, and there's nothing good on. Make a good TV show for me.

[Patdragon]

yes sir, it been made, but its so good they have refused to air it...tho fox are considering so it might get one season before being canceled

Butler, i feel like being an oxymoron today, make it happen.

[GathersIngredients]

That's a tough one, Sir. I can use the genetic transmogrifyer to alter you DNA to that of an ox, and since you're already a moron, I suppose that will do?

Butler! Get me a new butler, the old one seems to have some serious attitude problems.
(Gee, schizophrenic much? )

[LAYF]

Of cause, would you like an airhead blonde in a maid costume, or shall I call Alfred and ask if he seeks new employment?

Butler, build me a batcave. Live barman and robin included!

[WearsHats]

Yes, Sir. I had to book Adam West and Burt Ward separately, given the state of their relationship. Also, they have aged half a century. But I'm sure you'll make the best of it. Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed!

Butler, I've just been reminded of the existence of the movie Batman and Robin *wince* wherein George *twitch* Clooney was *shudder* Batman. I don't care what you have to do. Erase that film from reality. Ben *tic* Affleck is a *twitch* better choice. (I can't... *twitch, shudder* believe... *spasm* I just said that... *twitch, jerk*... Butler, I think I may need... an ambulance... *thud*)

[GathersIngredients]

Yes, Sir. *throws the movie into a -true- oblivion hole at the bottom of the household sink* What were we talking about just now?

Butler, I got a craving: get me some New York Cheesecake! You know, the kind Seven of Nine found so delicious (when the doctor 'possessed' her).

[raaabr]

Madam, I really do think eating this many baked goods and cakes will send you to an early grave...say, have you considered writing a will yet, Madam?


Butler, Find me the blade, the one that cuts deep.