Transcriptions

[Krulle]

Whenever updates are slow, read this!

Book 1

► Show Spoiler

1. The Introduction to Goblins
2. The Goblins' Introduction
3. The Goblins Discuss the Poorly Locked Chest
4. The Adventurers Introduction
5. The Fiery Pit
6. The Goblins' Three Plans
7. Minmax and the Shiny Rock
8. Minmax vs The Demons
9. Hawl the Trader
10. Herbert Strikes Again
11. Kore's Arrival
12. Fumbles' Perfect Character
13. Kore Attacks
14. Kore's Departure
15. Thaco's Introduction
16. Minmax Gets bored
17. The Lake Monster
18. Complains and Thaco
19. First Blood
20. The Battle Begins
21. Sending in Back Up
22. The Bet
23. Bleeding To Death
24. Complains vs Minmax
25. Roleplaying XP
26. Klik
27. Forgath's Fortune
28. Forgath vs The Fortune Teller
29. Fumbles Fumbles
30. Fumbles vs The Purple Worm
31. The Rules Just Changed
32. Sacred Statues
33. A Tragic Mistake
34. The Beginning
124 pages

Book 2

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1. Dodge
2. Chief's Secret
3. The Party Forms
4. The Belt Buckle
5. Klik Lends A Hand
6. Yumyuck Moss
7. There Is No Treasure Chest
8. Kore's Conversation
9. You're Not Asks
10. Dies and His New Hand
11. Fumbles' First Quest
12. The Anymug
13. The Dungeons Of Brassmoon
14. The Maze Of Waterfalls
15. The Thornback Clan
16. Thaco vs The Thornback Clan
17. Complains Rages
18. Into The Cave
19. Big Ears vs The Thornback Clan
20. Yellow Musk Creeper
21. Chief's Failure
22. Death of The Yellow Musk Creeper
23. Chief Thaco
24. Horribly Hunted
25. Horribly Lost and Found
26. The Spear
27. Thaco's Outfit
28. Tu Dae Fadda
29. The White Terror
30. Slave Labour
31. Into Brassmoon
32. Fumbles Captured
33. The Dwarven Paladin
34. K'seliss
35. Destiny
36. Captain Goblinslayer's Quarters
37. Captain Goblinslayer
38. Monster
39. Clean Blankets
40. Hobgoblins
41. Chorgrak vs Viper
42. The Riders
43. The Sewage Pipe
44. Into The Pipe
45. Duv vs Borrl
46. Detect Evil
47. The Drain
48. Ears At The Drain
49. The Decision
50. The Legend Of Thaco The Goblin
51. Food
52. The Owlbear
53. Lair Of The Goblin Slayer
54. Entering The Lair
55. Within The Lair
158 pages

Book 3

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1. Chorgrak vs The Hut
2. Green Knives
3. Reaching Attack
4. Over The Cliff
5. Outside The Dungeons Of Brassmoon
6. Above The Guards
7. Drop Down
8. Against The Elites Pt 1
9. Against The Elites Pt 2
10. Against The Elites Pt 3
11. Vertical
12. Dangling And Falling
13. Complains of Names vs Sergeant Bremick
14. Raging At Sergeant Bremick
15. At The Table
16. Goodbye
17. Big Ears vs Saral Caine
18. The Axe Of Prissan
19. Fox Climbs
20. The Fall
21. Battle's End
22. Big Ears Does Damage
23. Another Battle's End
24. Third Level
25. Challenge Rating
26. Into The Well Of Darkness
27. Goblinslayer's Discovery
28. Don't Touch Anything
29. Welcome To The Well Of Darkness
30. Return To The Drain
31. Goblinslaye's Plan
32. The Owlbear's Victory
33. Fumbles' Execution
34. Rot In Hell Goblin
35. Into The Fires Of Hell
36. Goblin Attack
37. Flesh Ripper The Goblin
38. Ow My Arm
39. On The Ground
40. With Vorpal
41. Bolts
42. Thaco's Plan
43. Chief's Prayer
44. Kin
45. Reunion
46. Red Street
47. Top Of The Statue End Of The Street
48. Two Leaps
49. The Battle Of Wonder
50. Walls And Armour
51. A Lot Of Walls And A Lot Of Armour
52. Not A Goblin
53. Angry
54. The Charge
55. Through The West Gate
56. Kin And Chief
57. The Drider
58. The Ogre And The Kobold
59. The Goblin Slayer In The Sewers
60. Thaco vs The Goblin Slayer
61. The Gate Is Still Closed
62. Bleed For Me
63. Nemesis
64. Yelling The Gate Open
65. The Gate Is Open
66. Plans To Leave Brassmoon
67. Leaving Brassmoon
68. Kin Under The Wagon
69. After The Escape
170 pages (+2 advertisement pages)

Book 4

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1. The "N" Word
2. Charisma
3. The Talking Wall
4. The Decorative Door
5. The Giant Egg
6. Minmax, Forgath And Goblinslayer
7. The Hand And The Key
8. Free
9. The Red And Blue Room
10. Saves A Fox's Fox
11. Minmax, Forgath And Kin: Early Camp
12. Crossing A River
13. Kore Approaches
14. Chief Broken
15. Chief Establishes Dominance
16. Goblins Turn Around
17. Complains' Arm Again
18. Demon Rage
19. The Axe And The Rope
20. Treasure Plants
21. The Same
22. Entrance To The Maze Of Many
23. The Kiss
24. The Psion
25. The Room Of Blades And Holes
26. Candles And Poles
27. Mr. Fingers Under Glass
28. Mr. Fingers Approaches
29. K'seliss And Grem vs Mr. Fingers

Book 5

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1. Alternate Reality Flashback
2. Meanwhile, In The Maze Of Many
3. The Room With The Giant Wall And Door
4. A Pipe, A Scorpion And A Finger
5. Minmax vs Minmax
6. Kin vs Kin
7. The Blue Moss Staircase
8. The Demon Guardian Of The Blue Orb Of Bloodlight
9. The Return Of Dies
10. Dividing By Zero. With Psionics.
11. Minmax Never Had Boots
12. The Unknown Variable
13. The Sword And The Armour
14. Oblivious
15. The Return Of Not Walter
16. Attack Of The Upside-Down Trees
17. The "No Touching" Rule
18. The Healing Potion River
19. Dies, Fox, Klik And A Large Orc
20. Tresspassing On Viper Territory
21. Biscuit and Duv
22. The Switchbeast
23. The Chiefing Ceremony
24. Biscuit In The Tent
25. Duv and Fox In The Water
26. Grem and Biscuit
27. Dies Horribly Evolves
28. Duv and Fox Fight
29. Healing Potions
30. The Arm
31. Biscuit, Duv and The Wing
32. Klik Needs A Hug
for Chapter 4+5: 236 pages (+1 advertisement page) (these chapters had been split at some point during the Corona pandemic, previously they were one)

Book 6

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1. There's No Such Place As Japan
2. Like A Panda Lung
3. Something's Coming Down The Hall
4. The Three Kins
5. Through The Hole
6. To Find A Key
7. Minmax vs The Tower Room
8. Forgath and Kin vs The Psion
9. Return Of The Three Kins
10. Minmax vs The Psion
11. The Number
12. Symun
13. The Countdown
14. The Blue Circle and the Red Circle
15. Ruby's Oblivion Hole
16. Damn Spiders!
17. On the Bridge
18. This Looks Complicated
19. Forgath Guards the Door
20. The Teeth of the Dragon
21. Caught
22. Minmax Explains Mustaches
23. Idle and Bowst
24. How To Find Secret Doors
25. Monks Can Do That
26. Paladins Can't Lie
27. The Pillar
28. How Do you Sleep?
29. Overnight
30. Dooor!
31. Minmax Quietly Draws His Sword
32. The Lamest, Most Confusing Room
134 pages until here (not counting altsplanations, or other bonus pages...)

Book 7

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1. Chitter Chitter Unk
2 . How To Go To Hell
3. The Boom Room
4. Brimstone Smells Like Farts
5. Can Fumbles Be A Teller
6. Loot Kicks Ass
7. Humans Don't Feel Friendship
8. The Teller Ceremony
9. Foreshadowing Overload
10. Idle And The Muddy Hellgate
11. Forgath's Mud Badger
12. How Prophecies Work
13. Kin And Parchment
14. Kin vs Kore
15. A Good Death
16. Kin's Voice
17. The Paper Klik
18. Reforming
19. The Glass Staircase
20. Fall Underground
21. The Statue And The Helm
22. Kore vs. The Statue
23. Return Of A Chief
24. Minmax Saving Kin
25. Big Ear's Bandage
26. Headpiece*
27: Gnome Eggs*
28: Who is "She"? *
29: ogofg *
* not official chapters

Hey there,

the intention of this thread is to help ALL translation projects by providing the transcriptions with a uniform layout.

The intention is to have ONLY transcriptions in this thread, NO discussions, NO translations.

This also gives us all the advantage that text passages become easily searchable and identifiable...



BigThanks to Ellipsis, the creator, artist and mind behind this whole Goblins experience.


"Live" translations:
Goblins in Russian

Random collection of other practical things:
Some fonts used by Thunt: (thanks to SpeaksWithMistakes SpeaksManyLanguages )
Standard comic font: http://www.blambot.com/font_animeace2.shtml (handy - you don't need to uppercase your translations to have all caps)
Not-Walter, some maps, some other things, ...: http://www.blambot.com/font_deathrattle.shtml
A tool to determine the html colour code in an image: http://html-color-codes.info/colors-from-image/ (uses html5, so no uploading of the image necessary, works locally)

Pages with the "cast":
Characters by Number of Appearances and Appearance Index, a list made by user Bird (Links to Google Cache, now dead)
Wikipedia Goblins (Comic) site
Wikia page for Goblinscomic
FMK in the Maze of Many: known alternatives
Character list with RGB-colour of IME: http://acomics.ru/~goblins/character

These are simplified versions of the characters that are just vague guidelines for the animation design team to consider. Although there's a good chance that a few of their heights may be slightly adjusted for the animation, this is the official character heights for the comic.

Hidden Content

This board requires you to be registered and logged-in to view hidden content.

IF you find errors, or spot anything else, but don't want to mess up this thread, send me a PM and I'll take care of it. THANKS!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Welcome to Goblins
before you start reading, there's something you should know

As an artist and author, I have alot to learn. I always have and hopefully, I always will. The day that I know everything about these two forms of art is the day they lose all appeal to me. In my effort to always improve, my drawing and writing styles will gradually change. For the readers who have been following the comic for some time, this change will be just as gradual for them, but if you're a new reader, you propably clicked through one or two of the more recent pages, found something that caught your interest and decided to start reading from the beginning. For you, the comic's growth will seem leess gradual. Let's rip off that band-aid quickly, shall we? Don't worry, I'm here. We'll do this together.


Big-Ears the Goblin
Drawn 2001 (four years before the comic hit the internet)

Big Ears the Goblin
Drawn 2009


There you have it. Now that you've gone through that, you'll be less likely to see the most recent pages, click over the first page and wonder if you've accidentally clicked onto another comic.

While I am proud of the improvements I've made and look forward to improving more over the years, the early Goblins work will always hold a special place in my heart and remain unaltered (except for the fact that all the early black and white pages are coloured and re-texted in the published graphic novel).

I hope you enjoy Goblins which started out as my comic, but over the years as become our comic, belonging not just to me, but to the readers that have come to love it as much as I do.

- Thunt



(click to the next page to begin)

[Krulle]

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-

Paladin (thinking): I think I lost them
Paladin: huff
Paladin: huff

Goblin1: I call dibs on his gauntlets

Goblin2: Quiet or he'll hear us!

SFX: flip flip
Bookcover: Paladin's handbook

Captiontext: Paladin rule #38... when the minions of evil start calling dibs on your gear, pray or run.
Bookcover: Paladin's handbook

Bookcover: Paladin's ..ndbook

Paladin: Aaaa!

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-

-

-

Goblin1: Thank the gods for attacks of opportunity, eh?
Goblin2: Seriously

GOBLINS -Life through their eyes

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Chief: Alright goblins, this was a good battle. But let's not forget that the adventurers that attacked us today were all rookies.

Chief: Never forget that at any time we could be attacked by much more powerful adventurers so we have to always keep on top of our game.
Chief: Fumbles, I want you to seriously work on your aim, ok?

Goblin1: Yes.
Goblin1: Please do.
Fumbles: Look, I said I was sorry

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Chief: One-Eye and Big-Ears, go clean up the dead rogue and wizard
One-Eye: Okay
Big-Ears: No problem

Chief: Can't-Think-of-a-Name-Cause-He-Looks-Like-a-Regular-Guy, go get the fortune teller and tell her it's safe to tend to the wounded.
Can't-Think-of-a-Name-Cause-He-Looks-Like-a-Regular-Guy: Sure Chief

Chief: Now as I was saying...
Complains of Names: I have a question Chief

Chief: Sigh

Chief: What is it, Complains-of-Names?

Complains of Names: What's the deal with our names? I mean, I can see how we sometimes name our young after physical features or personality traits, but so we really have to let the tribe's fortune teller name some of the newborns?

Complains: Poor Dies-Horribly here, has been living in fear his whole life!

Dies-Horribly: For the love of the Gods, watch where you point that sword!!!

Complains: And the only reason you were made chief was because it's your name!

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Chief: Now hold it! I was named chief because it was my destiny to...
Young-and-Beautiful: I have had a vision!

Chief: What have you seen, Young-and-Beautiful, the fortune teller?
Complains of Names (thinking): I can't believe we even let her name herself.

Y&B: Tomorrow our village will be attacked by three adventurers! Therefore, I have used my powers of scrying to create these sheets of paper that describe their strengths and weaknesses.

Chief: Papers that detail their very character? What do you call these 'character sheets'?
Complains: Sigh
Complains of Names: Here we go.

Y&B: I call the character sheets...
Y&B: ... Stuff-About-People-We-Don't-Know papers.
Complains: Oh for the love of...

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Chief: Wow! That's even better than your twenty sided stones with numbers stained into them by a special dye.
Chief: Your dyed twenties.
Young and Beautiful: You mean my Make-Numbers-Go-Even-Though-You-Don't-Know-Which-Numbers-Will-Show-Up stones?
Chief: Yes!

Complains of Names: That does it! I'm gonna go paint my collection of Pewter-Incarnations-of-Various-Monsters-and-Adventurers.

Chief and Y&B: ?

Chief: Hmf.
Chief: Figures.

[Krulle]

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Young and Beautiful: Goblins, I have had a vision!

Y&B: A party of adventurers will attack us tomorrow morning after they prove themselves at the Crossroads Of Eternal Doom!
Y&B: Now to make sure that we're effective, I┬┤ve designated which Goblin will battle which adventurer.

Goblin1: It says here that I'm fighting Forgath, the dwarven Cleric.
Complains of Names: And I'm fighting Seth Bainwraith, the Drow who has renounced his own kind to fight evil on the surface world.
Dies Horribly: Hey. It says here that I'm fighting someone named Minmax. Minmax the unstoppable warrior.

Complains: Lemme see that Dies-Horribly.

Complains: Oh for crying out loud! This 'Minmax' guy has a 22 Strength! How can a 1st level human have a 22 strength?

Chief: Well clearly he moved a few stats around. What's the big deal?

Complains: The big deal chief, is that this guy has three more feats than he should, and every one of his skills are combat oriented.

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Chief: Really?
Chief: Wow!
Chief: It says here that he knows 38 ways to kill a guy using only his thumb, but has no idea how to start a campfire or even dress himself.

Complains of Names: And his background says that he was taught to use a bastard sword before his third birthday.
Dies Horribly: Oh God
Complains: That's not even possible! How could he have held it?

Young and Beautiful: Look, you're all missing the point here! As long as we all do our part guarding the poorly locked treasure chest, we'll do fine.

Complains: Uh
Complains: I have a question about that too.

Y&B: Sigh
Y&B: What is it, Complains?

Complains: Well, this time we maybe use some of the items we store in the poorly locked treasure chest? I mean, that magic shield sure would come in handy tomorrow.

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Goblin1: Actually, now that he mentions it, I wouldn't mind that +1 short sword.

Young and Beautiful: Goblins,
Young and Beautiful: Goblins,
Y&B: please!

Y&B: For countless generations we have done things a certain way. We can't just do everything differently now because it...

Y&B: "makes sense".

Complains of Names: Well could we at least lock the chest a bit better and maybe hide it instead of placing it in the center of our war camp as if it's some sort of trophy or prize?
Y&B: Now you're just talking crazy.

[Krulle]

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Minmax: Man, that was fun! Those Kobolds just kept trying, didn't they, Forgath.
Forgath: Ya, you'd think they'd be aware of how outmatched they were as soon as they'd seen that you have dodge and combat reflexes.
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Minmax: So where are the (OW!) others?
SFX: Spork
Badge: MM

Forgath: They're still ...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: OUCH!
Helmet: This is a helmet
SFX: Spork

Forgath: ... gathering up the last of what's in the poorly locked treasure chest at the center of the Koboldian warcamp.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: Dude, I can't wait until we find that Goblin warcamp!
Forgath: "Koboldian"? That can't be right.
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: OUCH
SFX: Spork
Minmax: What did you say was the name of the place that would direct us to them?
Forgath: Crossroads of Eternal Doom.
Forgath: Koboldish? ... No. ... Koboldese?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: . am great

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This is the Crossroads Of Eternal Doom!
_________________________________________________
The adventure you are about to take contains scenes of violence and brief nudity and may not be suitable for young children or Halflings

Minmax: Now how are we gonna find a place like that?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: Minmax, how is it that you can't read?
Forgath: Ever since 3.0, everyone but barbarians can read!
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: I traded it for +1 to hit.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: Another +1? What is your "to hit" bonus now?
Minmax: You don't wanna know.

Seth Bainwraith: Why oh why was I left behind?

Seth: I, who have abandoned the evil of below and embraced the goodness of the surface, yet kept all the cool imagery of my people and therefore became a truly unique, tragic hero just like my half cousin, Drizzt?

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Minmax: Wait, was that a question?
Forgath: No.
Forgath: Just let him finish his monologue.

S !
___
ut of nd gs

Seth Bainwraith: And in so leaving my fiendish heritage, I became hated by the Drow and instantly gained an ultra-cool enemy which vicariously gives my character importance. Furthermore being shunned by the surface world adds just the right amount of sadness and ironic tragedy to who I am.

Minmax: These Drizzt ripoffs are getting out of hand. I'm starting to wonder if there might be more renegade Drow than there are regular Drow.
Badge: MM
Forgath: I know we've already had three of them join our party so far.
Helmet: This

Drasst Don'tsue: I, Drasst Don'tsue, Drizzt's half brother, am a lone wolf. Destined to protect those who misunderstand me.
Tryst Drow'Den: Me too.

Tryst Drow'Den is nicked Drowbabe in many discussions, as her name is never officially mentioned in the comic

[Krulle]

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Minmax: So Forgath, what's the back of the sign say?
Forgath: Says here we gotta prove ourselves in an adventure before we get the location of the goblin warcamp.

Minmax: Another adventure?
Minmax: Well it had better be more of a challenge than our last one. It was way too easy.
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: I'll pray to my god and ask him to make sure that this adventure is challenging enough to offer us some serious XP.
Drasst Don'tsue: ?

Forgath: Oh powerful Herbert! He who livith in his parent's basement and workith at starbucks part time!
Forgath: Hear me, oh great one!

Tryst Drow'Den: Who does he worship?

Minmax: The Dungeon Master.

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Forgath: Great Herbert, your last adventure did suckith big time! We gained little XP and did feel that it was a cake walk! Please givith us a challenge for a change!

Minmax: Nothing's happening.

Minmax: ?
SFX: Rumble Rumble

SFX: RUMBLE!
Minmax: What's going on?

SFX: Rumble!
Seth Bainwraith: Forgath, is that god of yours a sensitive fellow?
Forgath: I don't know really. Why?
Seth: I think you may have angered him.
SFX: Rumble!

Tryst Drow'Den: The rumbling stopped.

Drasst Don'tsue: Uh...
Drasst: ...guys?

Drasst: Was that fiery pit there a moment ago?

Fine! Cakewalk this!

Minmax: Sonova crap.

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Minmax: !

Fine ...ewalk t...

[Krulle]

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G1 (earring on lobe): He's not gonna show. He's too afraid of the fortune teller.
G2 (earring on tip): He'll show.

Chief: I'm here.
Chief: Now, will one of you tell me why we're meeting in secret like this?

G1: Well Chief, the three of us have been trying to come up with ways to stop the adventurers tomorrow.
G1: But since the fortune teller hates anything that breaks from tradition, we wanted to meet you in secret.

Chief: I see.

G1: Each of us has come up with one plan.
G1: Fumbles has the first plan.

Chief: Ok then Fumbles, whats...

Chief: ...your...

Chief: ...plan?

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Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Well, each of us will be wearing one of these fake moustaches.
Fumbles (SVK): I made a whole bunch of them out of boar's hair!

Chief: Arg!
Chief: Fumbles, Goblins don't grow facial hair!

Fumbles (SVK): Exactly!
Fumbles (SVK): These adventurers are going to be looking for a Goblin warcamp! Imagine their confusion when they find a bunch of hairy humanoid standing around.
Fumbles (SVK): They'll probably think that we're Dwarves or something and leave.

G2: Actually, I think Dwarves have beards.

G1: I thought Kender had beards.
Fumbles (SVK): No you're thinking of the ability to talk for ten minutes straight without pausing to take a breath.
G1: Oh yeah, that's right.

Chief: Dammit Fumbles!
Chief: The adventurers are not going to retreat in confusion just because we're all wearing really fake looking moustaches.

-

Fumbles (SVK): Well, we'll be using fake names, too.
G2: Naturally.

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Chief: That is the dumbest plan I've ever heard! Even if the other two plans were terrible, I'd still pick one of them before your ridiculous moustache plan!

G2: Well, my plan is actually very clever.
G1: He's right.
G1: Tis a clever plan, Chief.

G2: We take this pointy stick I found and place it on the ground, just outside of the camp. The adventurers find the stick an pick it up ...
G2: ... and here's the clever part ...

G2: ... it's very pointy. So one of them is bound to hurt themselves on it.

-

Chief: That's the clever part? "It's pointy"?
G2: Very pointy.
G1: It's true, Chief, I hurt my hand on it this morning.

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-

-

-

Chief: Sigh.

Chief: Gimme that!

Chief: These are trained warriors we're up against. They're not going to stop and pick up this particular stick just because it's laying on the forest floor!

Chief: And they're not going to hurt themse...

Chief: AH!
Chief: I stabbed myself in the freakin' eye!!

Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!

G2: All hail the power of the stick!
Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!
Chief: Ow!

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G2: Can I have my stick back?
Chief: No.

-

Chief: Actually, yes, you hold it.

Chief: I can't believe I'm asking this, but what's the third plan to stop the adventurers?

G1: Actually my plan is a series of carefully calculated battle maneuvers set up in various phases.
Chief: Hmmm... I like where this is going.

G1: Phase one... We all cover ourselves in our own feces.
Chief: That's it!

Narration Box: Later...
Chief: This had better work, Fumbles.
Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): I told you. When I'm in this disguise, I am
Fumbles (SVK): Senor Vorpal Kickass'o!

[Krulle]

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Minmax: Don't worry guys, together we can take down these demons!
Badge: MM

Minmax: Guys?
Badge: MM

Minmax: Aw man...
Minmax: You suck!

Minmax: So...
Minmax: ...um...
Minmax: Why is it that you guys aren't attacking me?
Not-Walter: We can't.
Not-Walter: You won initiative.

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Minmax: So?
Badge: MM

Not-Walter: Sigh.
Not-Walter: In drawing your sword, you committed a move equivalent action. You still have a standard action left and until you perform it, it's not our turn.

Minmax: No way! I had my sword drawn long before combat started!
Badge: MM

D1: As if!
D1: I saw you draw after initiative was decided!

Minmax: That's totally not true! I remember drawing my sword way before you guys showed up!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Flashback-Forgath: Duh, I better pray to my god so he'll give us a harder adventure this time.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Flashback-Minmax: Whatever, Forgath. I'm just gonna keep my eyes peeled and my sword very drawn, in case some demons or something come out of the ground.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: great

Non-Walter: You drew your damn sword after your turn started! You have a standard action left and then it's our turn, so hurry up!

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Well maybe I won't take my standard action! Maybe I'll just stand here and force you guys to wait forever!
Not-Walter: Fine, then we'll wait!
Minmax: Fine!

Not-Walter: Fine!!

-

D1: This may sound like an odd question, but have you ever read the Fiend Folio?
D2: Dude, I'm totally in it.

D1: I knew it! That's where I've seen you!
D3: Hey, ya! Now I recognize you!
D1: Ya, it's been driving me crazy ever since we came out of that pit!

Minmax: I'm so smart! And Forgath said I should have put more points into wisdom. Well I have a lousy wisdom and I still outsmarted a buncha...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: ...ooo! A shiny rock!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Not-Walter: That counts! Get 'im!

Minmax: My sword is drawn! My sword is drawn!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

SFX: Clang!

-

► Show Spoiler

-

Minmax: Raaaaaaa!
Badge: MM

Minmax: Oof!

Minmax: Uh!
SFX: Cra-Thunk!

-

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Whap!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

-

-

Not-Walter: Not yet.
Not-Walter: No one kills him until I get to play with him first.

► Show Spoiler

Not-Walter: Ahahaha!
Not-Walter: Yes! Run! Run!
Badge: MM

Beltbuckle: I am great

E! Cake

Minmax: Whoa!
Badge: MM

SFX: Whump!

Fine! Cakewalk this!

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Huff
Minmax: Huff

Minmax: Ah!

Minmax: Aw no!
Minmax: No no no no no!

-

-

Not-Walter: Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you?

Not-Walter: I'm going to rip the skin off your living body.
Not-Walter: I'm going to break your fingers and ...

Not-Walter: Are you crying??
Minmax: No. (sniff)
Badge: MM

Not-Walter: Yes you are! Aren't you the one they call the unstoppable warrior?

► Show Spoiler

Not-Walter: Yuck. I'm not in the mood for 'little girl'. You guys can have him.
SFX: Ba-Whump!

D1: Hey!
D3: Grab him!

-

Not-Walter: Huff
Not-Walter: Huff
D3: Huff

Not-Walter: How the hell does a first level character have a speed of 60 ?!?

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

-

-

-

Complains of Names: So what happened to the moustache plan?

Chief: I came to my senses.

G1: I've been thinking Chief, maybe we could bring in some females from the village.
Chief: Women aren't allowed in the warcamp unless they're spellcasters. You know that.

► Show Spoiler

G1: Well, I know but...

Chief: Did you hear that?
Chief: It's the adventurers!

Chief: To arms, goblins!
Complains: Will you relax? It's just Hawl the trader, look.

Chief: Hawl? Cool, I haven't seen him in weeks.
G1: So anyways, I think that women would raise morale and ...
Chief: Hey Hawl!

Chief: Well, if it isn't the smartest orc I ever met.
Hawl: Heh.
Hawl: That's because I'm the smartest orc who ever lived. How ya doing, Chief?

Complains: Chief, every time this guy comes to our warcamp, you trade away our best stuff and all we get is garbage that he's scavenged from around human cities.

Chief: Nonsense! It's a chance for us to get our hands on some useful, human tools.

► Show Spoiler

G1: Uh, Chief, about the women?
Chief: The answer is no. Besides, we already have a woman. The fortune teller.

-

G1: That's no woman.

Hawl: So you still have plenty of the usual?
Chief: Yup. Spear heads, fresh fish and smoked boar meat. What do you have this time?

Hawl: Let's see here. A broken wagon wheel, a bowling ball in a wooden bird cage and a brick.

Chief: Wow! Even better than last time. Let's go discuss it over drinks.
Hawl: Sure. So what's with the eye patch?
Chief: Don't ask.

-

G1: Even the smurfs had one woman!!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Seth Bainwraith: Five gold says he's being eaten right now.
Drasst Don'tsue: Heh heh
Forgath: He'll make it, you'll see. And when he catches up to us, his nerves will be as calm as...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Minmax: You Jerkwads!
Badge: MM

Forgath: Minmax!
Forgath: You made it, buddy!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Don't "buddy" me!
Badge: MM
Minmax: You guys left me to die and ran away like shivering cowards!
Beltbuckle: I am great
Minmax: I lost my fricken sword, ya know!

Tryst Drow'Den: Uh, Minmax, I wasn't shivering.

Tryst Drow'Den: I was jiggling in all the right places.

Minmax: And you! You don't even act like a real woman!
Minmax: It's as though you're created and controlled by some lonely, horny, teenaged guy who's never kissed a girl and has no idea how females react realistically in any given situation!
Badge: MM

► Show Spoiler

Tryst Drow'Den: That's ridiculous!

-

-

Tryst Drow'Den: Wanna see my boobies?

Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Look, it's not our fault. The challenge rating of those things was way above our current level.
Forgath: You should have run with us.

Minmax: Or maybe you should try to keep your god under control.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Forgath: No problem. I'll just ask him to make our next adventure easier.

Forgath: Oh all powerful Herbert!
Forgath: He who kickith ass at world of warcraft but can't getith a date to save his life...
Helmet: This is a helmet

Seth Bainwraith: He sure knows a lot about his god.

Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: That adventure was too hard! Please stopith being a smartass and give us something a tad easier!

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Teleport!!

Minmax: Where are we?
Forgath: Looks like we're on a farm.

Farmgirl: Pardon me...
Badge: MM
Helmet: This is a helmet

Farmgirl: Are you adventurers?
Farmgirl: Because I really need your help. You see there is this blind, one legged orc that keeps hopping out here every night from far off lands to pee into this bucket of wheat.

Forgath: Excuse me, he "pees" in it?
Helmet: This is a helmet

Farmgirl: Yes, and I need heroes to go on the vastly important adventure of traveling to the far off lands and stopping that darned, crippled orc. You see I need this wheat for...

Farmgirl: ...

Farmgirl: Well, I don't really need it for anything, actually. The wheat is out here because I was going to throw it out, anyways. But it's the principle of the thing. So will you travel to this fiendish orc and save my bucket of garbage wheat?

► Show Spoiler

Beltbuckle: I am great
Minmax: Sigh.
Minmax: The oversensitive Dungeon Master strikes again.

Farmgirl: You must travel past many dangers if you wish to find the orc and...

Farmgirl: Oh wait.
Farmgirl: He's right there.

One legged Orc: Hello. Would someone please plunge this sword into my heart? I'll hold it steady for you.

Drasst Don'tsue: Maybe you should worship a deity who isn't so sarcastic, Forgath.

SFX: Plunge!
One legged Orc: Nevermind. I did it myself!
Farmgirl: Oh, congratulations, brave heroes!
Beltbuckle: I am great
Badge: MM

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Sticks: I fold.
Boulder: S'not yer turn.

Sticks: Oh.
Sticks: Then I raise.

Boulder: Sticks, you don't even know how to play this game. Just go back to door duty.

Sticks: Aw, Boulder, why do we even need a door guard?

Sticks: The door is two inches of Dwarven steel and only a few of us know about this place.

Boulder: So Hawl, how'd trading with those Goblin friends of yours go?

Boulder: You find their warcamp ok?
Hawl: As always.
Hawl: I keep this map they gave me since those little buggers are so good at hiding their camps and villages.

► Show Spoiler

Hawl: Hey Targoth
Hawl: Whadda ya say we grab some lunch after I finish this hand?

Sticks: Hawl, why do you keep that little Dwarf kid around?

Hawl: Cause I killed his father in a battle last winter. What was I supposed to do, let him starve in the snow?

Sticks: Well, ya, he's a Dwarf. Besides, you better watch him around this crowd. I'm sure a lotta folks here would love to...

Hawl: A lot of folks'd better not touch him or they'll be dealing with me!
Boulder: And me, too. I've grown attached to that ugly, little guy.
Boulder: S'yer turn, Hawl.

Sticks: So yer gonna raise him like an Orc? I dunno, that seems kinda...
SFX: Knock Knock

-

Sticks: Holy crap! It's Kore!!

► Show Spoiler

O1: Kore?!
O2: Oh no!
Hawl: Who's Kore?

Boulder: A Dwarven paladin from beyond the Godskull Mountains. I dunno how he found us, but if he gets in here, we're all dead.

Hawl: He could take on this entire room?
Boulder: Hawl, this guy has single-handedly wiped out entire armies of Orcs and Ogres alike.

Sticks: Nobody panic! Like I said...
Sticks: ...this door is two inches of...

Sticks: !

Sticks: AAAAA!
SFX: Cra-Snap

-

-

► Show Spoiler

Boulder: Sticks?
Boulder: Buddy?

Hawl: Boulder...

Boulder: Sticks! NOOOOOO!!

Boulder: You Dwarven slug!!
Hawl: Boulder!

Hawl: He has the keys now.

SFX: Ca-Click Clickety Click

SFX: Ca-Click. Creeeeeeeeeeeee

Hawl: What the hell... ?

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Chief: But I can make a Search Check to see if someone is sneaking up on me.
Complains of Names: No no. You're confusing Search Check and Spot Check again.

Chief: No, you're confusing that you're a bonehead.

-

Complains: That doesn't even make any sense.
Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Hey guys!

Fumbles (SVK): I've got a new plan to help us defeat the adventurers when they get here. Wanna hear it?
Chief: No

Fumbles (SVK): I'm making my alter ego, Senor Vorpal Kickass'o, a player character!

Chief: Fumb... I mean Senor Vorpal Ass'o...
Fumbles (SVK): Kickass'o
Chief: Goblins can't be player characters.

Fumbles (SVK): Stop living in second edition, man. Anyone can be a player character now.

Complains: What class did you choose?
Fumbles (SVK): All of them.
Complains: What?
Fumbles (SVK): Well, you know how we keep records of all the adventurers who attack us?

Complains: Ya
Fumbles (SVK): Well I've taken the best parts of every character in our records and made the perfect character!

Complains: But each character has to start at first level. How'd you...
Fumbles (SVK): Each class is 1/11th of a level. Equaling a totally legit first level character.

► Show Spoiler

Chief: You've gotta be the most useless character ever made.

Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Nuh-uh! I can cast 1/11th of a spell or even hide 1/11th of myself in shadows!

Chief: That's not helpful, Fumbles.
Fumbles (SVK): It is, if someone's looking for my ankle.
Complains of Names: Don't make him kick you a 1/11th of your ass.

Fumbles (SVK): I even combined all of the character's backgrounds to make the coolest background ever written!
Fumbles (SVK) Wanna hear it?
Chief or Complains: No

The origin of Senor Vorpal Kickass'o

by Fumbles

Evil prediction

On the night I was born...
... there was a terrible storm.
... an evil queen predicted that I would kill her on my 18th birthday.
... my mother died during childbirth.
... all the wolves in the land simultaneously howled at the moon to signal the mystic importance of my birth.

Picks + Tools
Spells

As I was growing up people found that I was really, really good at...
... fighting...
... sneaking around...
... reading and studying spells...
... playing the lute...

When I was a teen my parents were brutally killed by...
... Ogres.
... an ancient Dragon.
... my evil twin brother.

Dragon: You wanna hurry it up?
Evil Twin: Hey, I'm next, pal!

After that life changing event, I...
...dedicated my life to getting vengeance.
...became a gifted but reclusive hermet who only wanted to live in peace but would inevitably be thrust into a life of adventure.
...discovered that I was actually the first vampire.
...took a five foot step to avoid an attack of opportunity.

Complains: That wallows in lameness.
Chief: Ya, how could your mother die giving birth to you, then be killed by Ogres?
Fumbles (SVK): That's it, face the wrath of a 1/11th sleep spell!

Chief: Did it have any effect?
Complains: Well I do feel kinda lethargic.

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

-

Ogre with longsword: Raaaaa!

-

SFX: Kathunk Kathunk Kathunk Kathunk Kathunk

SFX: CLANG CLANG RELOAD RELOAD

SFX: Kathunk Kathunk

SFX: Kathunk Kathunk Kathunk Kathunk

► Show Spoiler

Hawl: Targoth, get down and stay close to me!

-

SFX: KATHUNK KATHUNK THUNK KATHUNK

Hawl: Uh!

Hawl: For God's sake Boulder, run for cover!

Boulder: Ogres don't run for cover!

Boulder: This is for Sticks, you big, bearded pussy.

SFX: CRAWTHUNK!

Boulder: Ya! You like that? That's an Ogre-made Bolt!

Boulder: Now suck on another!

► Show Spoiler

-

SFX: Clang!

Boulder: What the f...

SFX: Reload

SFX: CaClick CaClick

-

SFX: Kathunk Kathunk Kath a hunk Kathunk ath nk Kat nk

-

O3: Now, Crunk! We'll flank him behind that shield thing!

► Show Spoiler

-

Crunk: Raaaa!

SFX: Skwee Skwee

Crunk: ?

SFX: Kathunk Kat nk Kat un Kathun

O3: Die Dwarf!

SFX: Kathunk Kathunk Kathun

Boulder: Graaaa!

-

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Hawl: I need you to go hide now.

Hawl: NNNYUH!
Hawl: C'mon dammit!

► Show Spoiler

Hawl: Uh!

-

Hawl: Oh...
Hawl:...my god.

Hawl: Please...
Hawl: Coff

Hawl: His name is Targoth Bladebeard. He was kidnapped and brought here against his will. He's done nothing wrong. Please. Just don't hurt him, okay?

Hawl: Plea...
SFX: Kathunk

-

-

Kore: You must be the child that Orc spoke of. I know of the Bladebeard Clan. They are honorable Dwarves. I am regretful that you were forced from your homeland and held here by these evil creatures. You see evil is like a seed. And although you did not choose to interact with these lower beasts, by socializing with them that seed ...
Kore: ... has been placed within you. As a result, you may one day grow to empathize with their evil ways. I cannot allow that risk to exist. All evil, even potential evil, must be eradicated.

Possible spelling error in last panel: "you homeland"

► Show Spoiler

SFX: Kathunk

-

Beware the lake
Warcamp location
Goblins

-

-

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Chief: Now, the adventurers are attacking in the morning and the sun will be up soon, so I want archers here and here.

Beware the lake

Dies Horribly: Chief, we've got a problem.
Chief: What is it dies, I'm kinda busy.

-are -ake

Dies: Well, the...

SFX: Thump!
Dies: Gaaah!

Fumbles (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Oh geez, sorry Dies. The spear kinda got away from me there. You okay?

Chief: Fumbles, do you think maybe you could practice further away from Dies Horribly?
Fumbles (SVK): Why?

Lake

Chief: Well, you tend to fumble and he's trying to avoid a predetermined, horrrible death. It's sort of...
Dies: Destiny waiting to happen?
Chief: Exactly.

Fumbles (SVK): Not a problem, Chief!
Dies: Anyways, the older Goblins are causing problems again.
Chief: Sigh. Not the older Goblins, one older Goblin. I'll go handle it right now.

SFX: Thump!
Dies: Gwaah!

Dies: Sonova crap, Fumbles!
Fumbles (SVK): Oh man. Sorry Dies.

► Show Spoiler

THaco: It's your move.
SFX: tap tap tap

Thaco: Oh look, it's our wise and merciful Chief.
Chief: I hear that there's a problem THac0.

THac0: You bet yer ass there's a problem! I was fighting for our Clan before you rookies even heard of 3.5! And you've got me hiding in this hut! Like some pansy wood nymph!

Chief: Well you're not as fast as you used to be and...
Thaco: I'm still one of the best warriors you got, kid!
Thaco: In my day, we respected the wisdom of out elders!
SFX: tap tap tap

Chief: In your day a -10 armor class was a good thing! Everything was backwards then.
SFX: tap tap tap

Thaco: Just because we're old, doesn't mean we're useless, dammit!
SFX: tap tap Snap!

[Panel 4: probably a typo, really meaning "ouR elders"]

► Show Spoiler

-

Taps: Aaah! I'm on the edge of a freakin cliff!

Chief: Sigh

Chief: Here.

Taps: Whew.
Chief: Listen, I just...
Asks Nonsense: Excuse me.
SFX: tap tap tap

Chief: Not now, Asks Nonsense.
Asks: I was just wondering, if I were to cut off my own leg and then ate it, would I still weigh the same?

-

Chief: I just don't want you guys get hurt out there. I think these adventurers are tougher than what we normally face.
Asks: Do you see the same colours I see? I mean what if my blue is actually red to you, but you call it blue, because...

Chief: Not now, Asks!
Thaco: Look, you're the Chief and if you're ordering me to stay in here during the battle, I will. But I think you're making a mistake.

Chief: Thank you.

SFX: tap tap

Asks: As a blind Goblin, how do you know when to stop wiping your ass?

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: ...GoblinsGoblinsGoblinsGoblinsGoblinsGoblinsGoblins...
Forgath: Alright, let's figure out an attack plan before Minmax pees himself.

Minmax: ...GoblinsGoblinsGoblinsGoblins...
Forgath: You three circle around to the south end of the warcamp.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Hey, how come you get to come up with the plan? I got plans too, ya know!
Badge: MM
Forgath: Oh sure, you've got great plans. Like sleeping with that farmer lady. That was some plan.

Minmax: Hey, I got her to tell us where the Goblin warcamp was, didn't I?
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am
Forgath: She'd already told us that an hour before that.

Minmax: What? You never told me!
Badge: MM
Forgath: Yes I did. I said "Hey Minmax, the Lady told us where the Goblin warcamp is, let's go".

Minmax: Oh ya. At least she let me keep that longsword that the one legged ogre used to kill himself with
Beltbuckle: I am great
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: So anyways, try not to be seen while you're taking position. Minmax and I will quietly wait here for ten Minutes before we attack, here form the North end. That'll be your signal to rush in from the South.
Seth Bainwraith: Got it.

Minmax: I still think my plan is better.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Forgath: Sigh. Fine, what's your plan?

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: You four, wait here while I rush in and singlehandedly wipe out the whole warcamp by myself.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: That's your plan?
Minmax: Yes
Forgath: Minmax, just once, this one time, think through your actions logically. How do you think that plan would play out?

Dream-Minmax: Wow! I can't believe I wiped out the whole war camp in a single, sword swing!
Dream-Minmax: That was some natural twenty.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dream-King: Excuse me, I'm the King of everything that exists and you were so cool just now, that I'd like to give you my crown and title!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dreamgirl 1: We love you Minmax!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: Are you finished?
Minmax: Not yet.
Beltbuckle: I am great

Dreamgirl 1: Mmmm
Dreamgirl 2: Mmmm

Forgath: I think you're actually getting dumber.
Minmax: Geez Forgath, I'm only giving you a hard time. Of course your plan is a good idea.
Badge: MM

Minmax: Hey, where'd all the drow go?
Forgath: They started toward the south end of the war camp as soon as you mentioned "The king of everything that exists".

Minmax: Ya, that's fair.
Badge: MM
Helmet: This is a helmet

► Show Spoiler

Badge: MM

Minmax: Sigh

Minmax: I'm a Minmax in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way...
Forgath: Minmax.
Badge: MM

Minmax:.. or I will bullrush your ass!
Forgath: Minmax!
Badge: MM

Minmax: I can't help it, I'm bored.
Forgath: Well, try to help it. Just sit still a little longer and we can attack.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Badge: MM

Minmax: Hey Forgath, remember that time you got drunk and you told me that you loved me like a brother? Heh.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM

Minmax: That was pretty gay. Heh heh.
Forgath: It wasn't gay, I said "Like a brother". It's a huge honour to be told that by a Dwarf.
Badge: MM

Minmax: Oh it's cool that you're gay. I just want you to know that I respect your gayness.
Forgath: I'm not gay.
Badge: MM

Forgath: Look if you keep making all that noise, a goblin scout will see you. Now just crouch down in the bushes with me and stay quiet.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: M

Minmax: Dude, that is the gayest thing you've ever said.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: That's it! From the waist down, you're mine!
Helmet: This is a helmet

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Okay, that is the gayest thing you've every said.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I gre

Forgath: Raaaa!
Minmax: Oof!

SFX: Splash!
Badge: MM

Minmax: Heh
Minmax: Heh
Minmax: Good news. I'm not bored anymore.
Badge: MM

Forgath: And I got to knock you on your ass.
Forgath: All in all a win-win situation.

Minmax: Ha hah. Listen, I know I was being kind of a jerk and...
Badge: MM

Minmax: What.
Badge: MM
Minmax: Why are you looking at me like that?

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Minmax: Sonova crap.
Badge: MM

-

Minmax: Forgath! I can't reach my sword!

Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: I can't reach yer sword either! Quit complaining!
Helmet: This is a helmet

► Show Spoiler

-

Badge: MM

-

-

-

Forgath: No.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Minmax!!

► Show Spoiler

-

Helmet: This is a helmet

Helmet: This is a helmet

Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Oof!

Forgath: Rrrrrr

Forgath: Rrraaawww!

-

► Show Spoiler

-

-

-

SFX: Glubb

Forgath: Gasp!

-

Minmax: Coff! Thanks. Coff! How did you get me out of...
Forgath: It had a soft body. Let's leave it at that.
Badge: MM

Minmax: You think any of the goblins heard us?
Forgath: Hard to say.
Badge: MM

Dies Horribly: What was that?
Complains of Names: It sounded like it came from the lake.

Chief: Archers and melee fighters stay here and guard the camp. All spear throwers come with me.

Chief: The time has come.

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Complains of Names: Knock Knock. It looks like the battle is about to start, so I just wanted to check in on you.
Thaco: Complains, I don't know why you feel that you have to check in on me before every battle.

Complains: You know why.
Thaco: Well I'll survive, just like I survived all those battles before this one.

Complains: All those battles...
Complains: Why do adventurers have to attack us just cause we're Goblins?

Thaco: I know what you mean. Racism is a complicated thing.

Complains: No, it isn't. It's stupid and simple. It's wrong and there's nothing more to it!
Thaco: Oh really.

Thaco: You see that caterpillar over on the wall there?

Complains: Ya, so?
Thaco: Which would you say has a higher intelligence, a caterpillar or a Goblin?

Complains: A Goblin of course.
Thaco: And would you say that all Goblins are smarter than all caterpillars?
Complains: Of course I would, so what?
Thaco: Welcome to racism.

Complains: That's different, it's an entirely different species!
Thaco: Just as we are a different species than the adventurers. You believe certain things about this creature because you were raised to believe them.
Thaco: Maybe these beliefs are wrong and maybe they're right.

Thaco: But the category you place this creature in holds more importance to you than the individual creature.
Complains: So what then? Are we supposed to put down our weapons and try to be friends?

► Show Spoiler

Thaco: No. We're supposed to fight, kill and die. We are Goblins after all.
Complains of Names: But you just said...
G: Complains, come quick! We heard a noise from the south!

Complains: Dammit, I donÔÇÖt know why I come in here!
SFX: Slam!
SFX: Poke

Thaco: I know why.

Complains: You're certain you heard something? This wind's getting pretty loud.
G1: Definitely. It came from those bushes over there.

Bush: Uh...
Bush: There's no one hiding in these bushes. You're safe and you can let your guard down now.

G2: Whew! What a relief! I was really scared there for a second.

G2: Tum dee dum dee dum....

G1: Out of all of us, someone was bound to fail his sense motive check.

Bush: I told you it wouldn't work.

Seth Bainwraith: Attack!

[Krulle]

► Show Spoiler

Forgath: I don't see anything. Maybe they're all still in the warcamp. Maybe they didn't hear us.

Minmax: Can't you figure out their location by smelling them with your keen, Dwarven nose?

-

Forgath: Are you high? Dwarves don't have a keen sense of smell!

Minmax: What? I thought that was your whole selling point as a race!! What the hell have I been adventuring with you for?
Beltbuckle: I am great
Badge: MM

Forgath: Excuse me? Uh... hands up anyone, who has pulled a limp, bald guy out of the belly of a monster this morning.

Forgath: No? ...No one? Only me?

Forgath: Ya, I thought so!

Forgath: Minmax?

Beltbuckle: I am great
Badge: MM

-

Minmax: Aha!
Minmax: I see you! You're dead, you little, green bastard!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

► Show Spoiler

-

Chief: Fire!

Minmax: Oh.
Minmax: That's clever.
Badge: MM

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Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Huff
Minmax: Huff
Forgath: Well that was just brilliant. Why don't you ever consider...
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Unless this is some sort of magical lecture that will heal me, please shut up and start casting cure light wounds.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Chief: 'Nother Spear!
G: 'Nother Spear!

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Chief: Keep those spears coming Can't-Think-Of-a-Name-Cause-He-Looks-Like-a-Regular-Guy. We got 'em pinned behind that tree.
Can't-Think-Of-a-Name-Cause-He-Looks-Like-a-Regular-Guy: No problem, Chief.

Forgath: You're lucky these goblin spears only do 1D4 damage.
Minmax: Ya, well they hurt like 2D6.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Forgath: So what do you think? We could rush 'em.
Minmax: And give up this cozy 9/10's cover?

Forgath: Well once we got to 'em, they'd be firing into melee.
Beltbuckle: I am great
Badge: MM

Forgath: Minmax?

Minmax: Is this tree made of dead wood?
Forgath: I'm a dwarf. What do I know from trees?

Chief: Okay, I want the first wave of group three to circle around to the other side of that tree. We're gonna flush them out.

SFX: Cacreeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Complains of Names: What's that noise?

Forgath: I can't believe you came up with a plan that might actually work.
SFX: Creeeeeeeeeeee-snap-

Chief: Look out!
SFX: Creeeeeeeeeeee-snap-crack-clasnap!

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SFX: Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

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Chief: Coff
Chief: Coff

Chief: Oh no.

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Chief: Uuh!

Chief: No!

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[Krulle]

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SFX: Crack!

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SFX: Tunk!

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Forgath: Your reign of evil is over, Goblin.

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SFX: Snap!

SFX: Wak!

Forgath: Grrrrr!

G1: Protect the Chief!

Forgath: Hey, you're the Chief? Alright, you're worth extra XP!

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Forgath: Raaaaaa!

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Forgath: Graaaarrr!

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SFX: Krish!

Minmax: Forgath! I'm coming, Buddy!

G: Aha!

G: Huh?

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G: Chief... help... us... please...

[Krulle]

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Tryst Drow'Den (Magic): Ray of Frost!

Complains of Names (thinking): With most of the warcamp here, we shouldn't have much trouble with these Elves. But where are the Dwarf and Minmax?

Complains of Names (thinking): Oh Gods! If they're by the lake, chief's group will be too small to handle Minmax's extra combat feats and ridiculous bonuses!

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Seth Bainwraith: The savagery of a Goblin can never compete with the grace of an Elf!

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Young and Beautiful: No, No! Where's Dies Horribly? He's supposed to be fighting Minmax!
Young and Beautiful: And Complains of Names is supposed to be fighting...

Young and Beautiful: ?

Young and Beautiful (Magic): Entropic Shield!

SFX: SMASH!
Young and Beautiful: One Eye! Big Ears! Send in the back up! Now!

One Eye: Right away!
Big Ears: Sending in back up!

SFX: Chop!
SFX: Chop!

SFX over 4 panels: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzWHOOOOOOSH

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Drazzt: ?
SFX: CLANG

Drazzt: Oh.
Drazzt: That's clever.

SFX: CLATTER-WUMP!

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Drazzt: Ooohh...

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Drazzt: Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!

Tryst Drow'Den (Magic): Magic Missile!

One Eye: That'll teach him to be tall. heh heh.
Big Ears: Bloody medium sized creatures.

SFX: BAZUMF
Big Ears: One Eye!
One Eye: Aah!

One Eye: Uh! Feels like my insides are on fire!

Big Ears: That's a Magic Missile! I've heard the Elders talk about them before.
Big Ears: They burn you on the inside! We gotta hide you in the bushes until the battle is over.
Big Ears: Okay One Eye?

Big Ears: One Eye?

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Big Ears: You stinking sorceress!!

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Narration: Meanwhile...
G1: Chief... Help us... Please...

Forgath: Hey Minmax, this one was trying to get away.
Forgath: Heh heh.

Forgath: Take that, Monster!
Forgath: Feel the sting of my blade!

Minmax: That was fun! We kicked Goblin ass!
Forgath: Yeah, but that Chief got away. No big deal, I guess.
Forgath: We should head over to the warcamp now. That's where the real battle will be happening.
Badge: MM

Minmax: You go ahead, I'm actually gonna look for that Chief. I'll catch up to you.

Forgath: Okay, whatever. But don't take too long. I'm keeping any treasure that I find.
Minmax: Ya, ya.
Badge: MM

Minmax: Yo, Chief. Come out come out wherever you are!
Complains of Names: Hey Human!
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Who the hell are you?
Badge: MM

Complains of Names: I'm your worst nightmare...
Complains of Names: ... a Goblin with a readied action and an elevation bonus.

[Krulle]

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Big Ears: Raaa!

Drasst Don'tsue: That's it, you little savage.
Drasst Don'tsue: Come to Drasst!

SFX: Clang
Drasst: Oof!

Tryst Drow'Den: !

SFX: Ca-Cling

SFX: Thunk
Tryst Drow'Den: Aaah!

Seth Bainwraith (thinking): These Goblins are better prepared than I thought! And without Forgath and Minmax here, we're getting swarmed!
Seth (thinking): We've pretty much wiped out the first wave, but I can see a lot more of the headed this way from the centre of the warcamp.

Seth (thinking): I have to find someplace to hide until the rest of our party gets here. I'll let the others risk their necks until then!

Seth (thinking): Hmmm... This hut looks deserted.
SFX: Kwunk

Seth: Well, well. Three Goblins who are too old to fight back.
Seth: Easy XP.

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Thaco: You know, in the old days we depended on ingenuity rather than feats, the strength stat used a forward slash as a decimal point...
Thaco: ... and there where no such thing as Drow.

SFX: SHIIINGGG

Thac0: I miss the old days.

Tryst Drow'Den: Gak!

Big Ears: That Magic Missile was the last spell you'll ever cast, witch!

Big Ears: Unh!

Drasst Don'tsue: Ha Ha Ha!

SFX: Clang

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SFX: Clang
Seth Bainwraith: You're pretty good, Goblin.

Thaco: I'm better 'n you, Drow.

SFX: Chunk

SFX: Ca-Click

SFX: Clang

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Drasst Don'tsue: There is no escape for you and your kind, Goblin. You're put on this world to be XP for adventurers.

Big Ears: Let's see you escape this!

SFX: Chop

SFX over three panels: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Drasst Don'tsue: Aaah!

SFX over 2 panels: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-SSSHHUK
Text on birdseedhouse: Birds eat here!

Drasst Don'tsue: Huh?

Drasst Don'tsue: Damned Goblin! No one makes a fool out of Drasst!

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Drasst Don'tsue: Damn, stupid Goblin!! Aaaaah!!

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Thaco: Huff
Thaco: Huff

Seth Bainwraith: Coff

Thaco: Well Drow...
SFX: Ca-Click

Thaco: You're currently at -3 hit points.

Thaco: And you're bleeding to death at a rate of one hit point per round.

Thaco: When you reach -10 hit points, you'll be dead.

SFX Copper Piece: Ta-Ting Ting

Seth Bainwraith: What's that for?

Thaco: I'll bet you one copper piece that you can't stabilize in seven rounds.

[Krulle]

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Forgath: There you are, you little Bastard! Did you really think that I wouldn't find you?

Forgath: Did you really think that'd I just run head first into the battle at the warcamp without looking for you?

Forgath: Heh
Forgath: I don't think so!

Forgath: I need you to protect my noggin!
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: And now that I have you again, my armour class will be much....

Forgath: Actually, my armour class will be exactly the same with or without the helmet.

Forgath: Come to think of it, why does anyone wear a helmet ever?

Forgath: Well, I guess I know why I wear mine. "This is a helmet". If it weren't for those four words, I wouldn't exist today.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Forgath: I'd better get to the battle. If I know those Drow, they're fighting like warrior poets right now.
Helmet: This is a helmet

Seth Bainwraith: Okay, this time I can do it...
Hit points: -5
Seth: Dammit!
Seth: Okay, this round for sure...
Hit points: -6
Seth: Sonova crap!

Seth Bainwraith: How the hell can I stabilize if I only get a lousy 10 percent per round? It's the lamest rule ever!

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Tryst Drow'Den: Just let me kill this Goblin and then I'll bind your wounds, Seth.
Seth Bainwraith: Forget him and help me now! I'm at -6...

Hitpoints: -7

Seth: Get over here and help me now!!

Seth (thinking): I just need someone to bind my wounds and stop the bleeding.
Seth (thinking): Anyone.

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Seth: Uh... I don't suppose you'd be willing to...

Asks Nonsense: Phffft. On my next turn, I'm coup de gracing your ass.

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Seth: Kill that one!!

Tryst Drow'Den: Alright Goblins...
Tryst Drow'Den (Magic): Sleep!

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SFX: Thump

SFX: Thump

Thaco: Oh, you b...

Thaco: ...

SFX: Thump

Tryst Drow'Den: Alright Mr. Impatient, now I can bind your...
Big Ears: Hey sorceress!

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Big Ears: We're actually not finished yet.

SFX: Chop
Tryst Drow'Den: Aaah!

SFX: Ba-Thump

Tryst Drow'Den: Critical hits. The great equalizers.

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Seth Bainwraith: You're in negative hit points now too, aren't you?! Are you a complete moron?! If you'd just bound my wounds this wouldn't have happened and I...

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Seth Bainwraith: Sorry.

Tryst Drow'Den: This is so not my fault! And technically you're not even supposed to be able to talk right now!

Seth Bainwraith: Oh please. When has a player character ever kept quiet while he's bleeding to death?

Seth Bainwraith: And now I'm at -9 hit points. This totally su...

Lifepoints Seth Bainwraith: -10

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Tryst Drow'Den: Hey Goblin! I just realized something! When I took damage from your crit, I forgot to factor in the damage resistance from my mage armour.

Tryst Drow'Den: That means I'm still in positive hit points!

Big Ears: Mage armour doesn't offer damage resistance.

Tryst Drow'Den: Seriously? Oh crap. That means that I actually should have taken more damage from your hit to my leg earlier.

Tryst Drow'Den: Well. That would put my hit points way past negative...

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[Krulle]

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Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

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Badge: MM

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great

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Minmax: I've already wiped out like, a dozen Goblins. What makes you think you can take me on all by yourself?
Complains of Names: Because my father is the best warrior in our clan and he's trained me since I was a child. Not that any of that is your business, Human.

Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I .. great
SFX: Crunch

Beltbuckle: I am great

SFX: Clang

Complains of Names: I have to complain about something. Your character background is filled with bad writing and plot holes, your stats are logically impossible and your name is an oxymoron.

Minmax: Ya? Well you're a moron, you big, orange booger!
Beltbuckle: I am great

Complains of Names: No, no. Oxymoron means... Sigh. Look, Minmax is just a stupid name. It betrays your inability to be a balanced, realistic character

Minmax: Oh and who are you, Mr... Complains of Names?
Badge: MM
Complains of Names: Yes. I am.

Minmax: Seriously? That's your name? Wow! And I guessed it right away!
Minmax: How spooky is that?

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Complains of Names: Actually, you'd be surprised at how many times that's happened.

Minmax: Not that any of that is my business, right?
Badge: MM

SFX: Ca-Thuk
Complains of Names: Aaah!

Minmax: Ha ha! Looks like your useless, crappy shield isn't good for anything!

SFX: Konk

SFX: Thud

Minmax: Rrrr
Beltbuckle: I am great

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Minmax: Fine! Go hide in a tree! I'm sure your father would be very proud!

Minmax: Aah!
Beltbuckle: I am great

Minmax: Oh, that's really mature!
Badge: MM

Badge: MM

Minmax: OK whatever! I'm gonna go wipe out the rest of your Goblin buddies and then I'm gonna get the treasure in the Poorly Locked Chest! You think about that while you hide in your tree, Names!

Complains of Names (thinking): You may be too tough to beat in a straight fight, but I've got a plan that I think can give me an edge.
Complains of Names (thinking): I swear I'll watch you die, Minmax.