Book 2, Chapter 16: Thaco vs The Thornback Clan
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:39 am
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05192006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05202006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05192006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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SFX: Shiingg
SFX: Scrunch
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SFX: Shwunch
SFX: Clang
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05202006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
SFX: Slunch
SFX: Splash
SFX: Crunch
Big Ears: Whatever this plant did to the Thornbacks, it's made them a lot weaker! They have maybe 1 or 2 hit points each and they don't seem to be doing much damage! If there weren't so many of them, I think we'd be okay!
SFX: Runch
Chief: I'm telling you, it's the water! The plant growing out of them is not a swamp plant and all of this moisture is keeping them weaker than they're supposed to be!
Chief: This would mean there's probably a much stronger version on some nearby dry land. Maybe like a mother plant that's in charge of all the other...
Big Ears: Look out!
SFX: Splash
Chief: blorblbl....!
SFX: Ca-Click
SFX: Shwunk Shwonk
Big Ears: Where did they take Complains? We need his Rage ability!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05272006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
ZombieOrc: Hisssssss!
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Complains of Names: Graaaa!
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Complains of Names: Graaaaaaa!
SFX: Scronch
SFX: Shwunk
ZombieOrc: Hissssss....
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05282006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerZombieOrc: ...ssssssssaakk!
SFX: Cracckkk
SFX: Thwunk
SFX: Thwack
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Chief: Mmmm!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/05292006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBig Ears: Graaaaa!
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SFX: Crack
SFX: Shla-Crunch
SFX: Ca-Snap
SFX: Shlunk
SFX: Splash
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06032006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerComplains of Names: Huff
Complains of Names: Huff
Complains of Names: Heh
Complains of Names: Huff
Complains of Names: Heh
Complains of Names: Heh
Complains of Names: Oh...
Complains of Names: So that's a Barbarian Rage then.
Complains of Names: Ouch.
SFX: Spish
ZombieOrc: Hissssssss
SFX: Splash Splosh
SFX: Crouch
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Big Ears: Huff
Big Ears: Huff
Big Ears: Huff
Big Ears: The Orcs are gone. It looks like they've retreated.
Big Ears: Guys?
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06042006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Complains of Names: Nnn!
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Thaco: Wha... Huh?
Thaco: Why aren't we dead? Where are they taking us?
Chief: I think there's a leader plant somewhere nearby. My guess is that we're being taken there as food.
Chief: Or to become like these guys.
Thaco: To hell with that! Complains, these Orcs have a pretty good hold on me. What's your situation?
Complains of Names: Me and my one remaining hit point are a little nervous about taking on all of these guys.
Complains of Names: I say we wait for the right moment and then try to run.
Chief: I agree. Except the Orcs are getting stronger, the further we get from the water.
Thaco: Yer not kidding! My wrists are starting to feel like they're being crushed!
Complains of Names: So where is this plant thing?
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06052006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: Up there, I guess.
Thaco or Complains of Names: And how the hell are they planning on getting us up there?
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ZombiePlant: Hissssss
Complains of Names: Aah!
SFX: Clamp
SFX: Whirrrrr
Complains of Names: Uh!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06062006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: No! Nooo!
Big Ears: It just occurred to me that I'm not comfortable attacking someone from behind.
ZombieOrc: Hisssssss
Big Ears: Thank you.
SFX: Schunk
Chief: Ears! They're much more powerful over here!
ZombieOrc: Hisssssssss!
SFX: Ca-Click
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06102006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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SFX: Clunk
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SFX: Crunch
Big Ears: Uh!
Big Ears: Aah!
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Chief: No! Please!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06112006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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Big Ears: Raaa!
ZombieOrc: Hisssssss
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Chief: Oof!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06122006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: Ah!
SFX: Thump
Big Ears: You're the chief! Your survival is more important than any of us! I'll keep them busy while you run!
Chief: No way! You'll die for sure!
Big Ears: There has to be another tunnel that leads out of here, go find it!
Chief: Wait! Ears listen, I'm not the...
Big Ears: Run!
Big Ears: Now!
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SFX: Shiingg
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06232006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: I don't mind dying, but having to wait for it like this is torture. It's taking forever. Like watching paint dry in hell.
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Complains of Names: Wouldn't paint dry really fast in hell?
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Complains of Names: I'm just saying. I mean it's so dry and hot there that...
Thaco: What the hell happened to your Rage? If you still had that going, you could probably snap these vine things!
Complains of Names: Hey I'm first level! Rage doesn't last that long for me! What about you? Aren't Monks supposed to have an Escape Artist skill?
Thaco: Are you kidding? The difficulty rating for these vines is like, 35 or something!
Complains of Names: Okay, so we're first level and we both suck at everything! Why don't you stop yelling at me!?
Thaco: Why don't you kiss my size modifier!
Complains of Names: Oh that's it!
Complains of Names: I'm coming over there and I'm kicking your elder ass!
SFX: Tukk
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06242006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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SFX: Shiing
Thaco: Great work! Now grab hold of the stone and cut yourself free before you attack the weird creature.
Complains of Names: I am not a youngling anymore, stop telling me what to do!
Complains of Names: Haaa!
ZombiePlant: Hissssssss!
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Thaco: Sigh.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06252006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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Complains of Names: Grrrr!
Thaco: Oh no. Complains, I think I recognize this plant. It's a Yellow Musk Creeper. I'm pretty sure it's in the Fiend Folio.
Complains of Names: Raa!
SFX: Slash
Complains of Names: Haa!
SFX: Spork
SFX: Slunch
SFX: Rustle
Complains of Names: Yes!
SFX: Wump
SFX: Sluuurp
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06262006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerComplains of Names: That...
Complains of Names: ...is...
Complains of Names: not
Complains of Names: from the Fiend Folio!
ZombieSpiderPlant: Hissssssssssssssss!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/06302006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerZombieSpiderPlant: Hisssssssssssss
Complains of Names: But...
Complains of Names: ...I have one hit point.
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SFX: Crunch
Complains of Names: Oof!
SFX: Crack Ca-Crack
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SFX: Clump
Thaco: Uh!
ZombieSpiderPlant: Hisssssssss!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07012006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief (thinking): Oh gods, everything's falling apart! I'm supposed to act like a chief! I'm supposed to be the bravest in the clan!
Chief (thinking): No matter how afraid I am, I can't just hide here. I have to figh alongside my clan!
ZombieSpiderPlant: Hissssssssss
SFX: Teck
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Chief: Aaaaaaah!
SFX: Crack
Chief (thinking): I can't do it! I'm just too scared!
Chief (thinking): Father, I'm no chief.
Thaco: Aw, come on!
Thaco: Complains! I need your sword!
Complains of Names: I need it more!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07072006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: Complains! Sword! Now!
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ZombieSpiderPlant: Hisssssssss!
Complains of Names: Rrrrrrr!
SFX: Snap
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Complains of Names: Raaaaa!
SFX: Claap
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07082006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerSFX: Shlunk
ZombieSpidePlant: Hisssssss!
SFX: Tha-Wump
Complains of Names: Here!
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Complains of Names: Hey! What the hell!
Complains of Names: Where are you going?!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07092006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerComplains of Names: C'mon, we can climb down these...
Complains of Names: Oh man.
ZombieOrc: Hisssss
Complains of Names: We are so screwed.
SFX: Chop
SFX: Chop
ZombieOrc: Hissssssss!
SFX: Chop
SFX: Chop
SFX: Rustle
SFX: Chop
ZombieOrc: Hisssssssssssss
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SFX: Thunk
SFX: Thud
SFX: Crunch
SFX: Thud
SFX: Squish
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07102006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: Huff
Thaco: Huff
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Thaco: Here's your clumsy weapon back.
SFX: Ching
Complains of Names: How did you... I guess you read in the Fiend Folio that killing the main plant kills all of it's creation too.
Thaco: Nope. The FF actually doesn't say anything about that. This thing is obviously an altered version of the original.
Complains of Names: Then how did you know to..
Thaco: I didn't.
Thaco: I was just really mad.
Complains of Names: Wow. You must be the bravest Goblin in our cla...
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Thaco: What?
Thaco: Why are you looking at me like that?
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07142006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief (thinking): The Orcs are all dead?
Chief: Ears?
Chief: Big Ears!
Complains of Names: You were supposed to be our chief! You're the one that the fortune teller's vision pointed to!
Thaco: Oh that.
Complains of Names: You mean you knew?!
Thaco: Of course I knew! She told me everything as soon as she had the vision.
Narrator (Thaco): Given the risks involved, I thought it safest if I just left the clan and took my secret with me. It was painful since you were just a baby then. I was on my own for a few years before... Well let's just say that there were reasons why I had to return.
Complains of Names: You have to step up as chief! Our clan is a shadow of what the elders say it used to be!
Thaco: I know, I'm an elder!
Thaco: I knew Kills-a-Werebear and he was the greatest chief we ever had. Since a new chief is often chosen from the bloodline of the old, half of the clan would have demanded that it be Killsa's newborn son. The other half would have wanted to follow our fortune teller's vision and let me lead.
Thaco: The inevitable civil war would have destroyed us, and it's better to spend a generation or two as a shadow than to be completely ripped apart.
Complains of Names: So that's why Chief let you come to the warcap but wouldn't let you do anything.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07152006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: Yup. He wanted to keep me close. Taps and Asks Nonsense came along cause they were just stubborn. I hope they're making it back to the village okay.
Thaco: And I'm sure Chief and Ears are okay. I don't think the Orcs were meant to kill us. Not unless it was decided that it was too tough to get us up here.
Complains of Names: Chief is just a screw up. He's the reason why everything is...
Thaco: Complains...
Thaco: ...how are your stone carving abilities these days?
Complains of Names: What? Well... terrible. You know I suck at stone carving. Why?
Thaco: Well image that as a baby, it was declared that you would be the clan's only stone carver and we would all depend on your carving talents.
Thaco: In fact, we were so dependant on you for this, we actually named you Stonecarver and your entire life, you were judged solely on how well you did this one job.
Complains of Names: Yeah, that would suck alright. I suppose I'd quit.
Thaco: But Chief won't quit. If this unfortunate thing had never happened to him, he'd probably be farming or mending clothing or something back at the village. He'd be living what he considers to be a happy life.
Thaco: He knows that he'll be marked in history as a poor chief. But he stays at it, keeps his secret and sacrifices his own happiness for the good of the clan. He's no warrior and he's no leader. But he's a good, strong Goblin.
Chief: Ears...
Chief: ...where are you?
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Chief: Nnnnn!
Lifepoints Big Ears: -8
Chief: Oh gods!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07162006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: Maglubiyet...
Chief (magic): Cure Light Wounds!
Big Ears: Thanks. Where are the others?
Lifepoints Big Ears: -3
Chief: I think they're okay. I'm pretty sure they're the reason for the dead Orcs.
Lifepoints Big Ears: -2
Big Ears: I feel different. Kind of like I'm...
Lifepoints Big Ears: -1
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Big Ears and Chief: Second level!
Big Ears: I've got more hit points!
Chief: Me too! As as weird as this sounds, it feels like a glow inside me.
Chief: Listen Ears, before we get all happy over our levels, I've got to apologize for running...
Complains of Names: Hey you two! You gotta climb up here! We found treasure! Some of this stuff has to be magical!
Chief: ...for running away when...
Complains of Names: Plus, we hit second level!
Chief: ...for running...
Complains of Names: As as weird as this sounds, it feels like a glow inside...
Chief: Shut up!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07212006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBaka: Well at least I'm not always dragging my bow through the water! Do you have any idea what that does to the wood?
Tuck: Oh shut up Mr. "Ninja" who, by the way, is wearing his katana upside down! Why don't you try doing some research the next time you make a character!
Baka: Oh, you wanna talk about roleplaying flaws? I see you're playing yet another short character! And your bow is taller than you are! You shouldn't even be able to draw that thing!
Yodette: Will you two cut it out? We're supposed to be hunting Goblins, and standing here arguing is not going to make them just fall out of the sky!
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Yodette: What are you guys looking for?
Baka: Well after a comment like that, I half expected a Goblin to fall out of the sky to unrelated circumstances.
Tuck: Yeah, me too.
Yodette: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Tuck: Oh not at all. Ironic coincidences happen all the time to adventurers.
Baka: Yeah, like remember the time she said "At least things can't get any worse" and then it started raining right at that moment?
Tuck: Ooooo yeah, that was creepy!
Dies Horribly: Waaaaay!
SFX: Splash
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07222006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Yodette: Oh please! He's 45 foot away and he fell like, a minute and a half after I made the comment. That totally doesn't count!
Tuck: Whine all you want, you know we're right.
Baka: Hey, that Goblin has a weird, green gauntlet! I betcha it's magical!
Tuck: Check out this sweet shot.
SFX: Ca-Twang
Dies Horribly: Gaaah!
Dies Horribly: Aaah!
Dies Horribly: Huff
Dies Horribly: Ah!
Tuck: He's still alive?
Baka: Gee, it's almost as though your bow has been dragged through a river and is now less effective.
Tuck: Shut up, Mr. Character Made Five Minutes Before Game!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07232006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerSFX: Klik
Dies Horribly: Huff
Dies Horribly: Huff
SFX: Ca-Twang
SFX: Splash
SFX: Splash
Dies Horribly: Ah!
SFX: Crack
Dies Horribly: Run Klik, or they'll kill you too!
Yodette: What the heck is that thing?
Klik REEEEEEE!
SFX: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tuck: Wait a minute...
SFX (flashback): SSSsssssSSS
Klik (flashback): Reeeeee!!
SFX (Flashback): sssssssss
Tuck: I remember that thing.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07282006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Dies Horribly (thinking) I think I lost them.
Dies Horribly: Huff
Dies Horribly: Huff
Baka: I call dibs on his gauntlet.
Tuck: Quiet or he'll hear us!
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Dies Horribly: Aaaa!
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Baka: Wow, he's fast!
Baka: Don't let him get away!
Dies Horribly: Huff
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07292006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBaka or Tuck: Yodette, try to get around him and we'll flank him.
Yodette: Right.
Dies Horribly: Huff
Dies Horribly: Oh please no!
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Baka: No!
Tuck: Ah!
SFX: Twang
Tuck: What's yer freakin problem?!
Baka: If you shoot him now,
Baka: he'll fall over the edge and I'll lose my magic gauntlet!
Tuck: It's not a gauntlet, you moron!
Dies Horribly: Oh no!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07302006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerTuck (thinking): Don't tell me who I can and can't shoot, you big dink.
SFX: Plop
Tuck (thinking): Screw this.
Yodette: We got him now!
SFX: Thunk
Dies Horribly: Aaah!
Baka: Grab him!
SFX: klik
Tuck: Yes!
SFX: Clunk
SFX: Klik
Baka: Look out!
SFX: Klik Klik Klik
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/07312006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
SFX: Klik
SFX: Klik Klik Klik Klik
SFX: Klik Klik Klik
Klik: Reeeeeee!
SFX: Thwoomp
SFX: Rustle
SFX: Rustle
SFX: Ker-Splash
Lifepoints Dies Horribly: -2
Lifepoints Dies Horribly: -3
Grem: Is he alive?
Lifepoints Dies Horribly: -4
Cole: Yes.
Cole: Barely.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08012006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGrem: Then bind his wounds. We'll take him with us, back to the warcamp.
Cole: Yes, Grem.
Lifepoints Dies Horribly: -5
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08042006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBig Ears: Here's your sword back, Complains.
Complains of Names: Thanks, Ears.
Chief: Uh!
Chief: Huff
Big Ears: Y'know, I'll always prefer an axe to a sword, but that +1 enchantment really makes a big difference.
Complains of Names: Oh, I know!
Chief: Huff
Chief: uff
Complains of Names: That short sword is the coolest weapon in the whole damn party! I'm really lucky to have it.
Big Ears: But it glowed yellow for me. What's up with that?
Chief: Wheeze!
Complains of Names: Well that's because of your I.M.E.
Complains of Names: Your individual, magical effect.
.
Complains of Names: Sigh.
Complains of Names: Okay...
Complains of Names: ...some call it your "aura" or "the colour of your soul" or whatever, but basically, everyone has their own inner light.
Complains of Names: Y'know how different kinds of wood can sometimes make different coloured flames in a camp fire? Well, it's kind of the same way with magic. When we burn up the magical energy around us, we give off a different visual effect.
Complains of Names: Most creatures just give off a basic colour, but as you gain more power, your I.M.E. can evolve.
Big Ears: Oooh, you mean like that necromancer who had black skulls floating around him whenever he cast a spell.
Complains of Names: Yeah, and that druid who had ethereal trees growing all around her.
Complains of Names: A lot of magic items and spells give off your I.M.E. The day I found out that mine was purple, I did this marking.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08052006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: I remember that. You stole the permanent, ceremonial marking paint. Man, was the fortune teller ever mad.
Complains of Names: Oh good, you finally made it! Now I can show both of you what Thaco and I found in these bushes.
Chief: Where is Thaco?
Complains of Names: Oh, we found a spare outfit in the backpack of a dead Halfling, so I politely asked him to try it on.
Thaco: It won't go on! The sleeves are all stupid!
Complains of Names: Well try harder, because I'm not going through another gush of wind blowing your loincloth all over the place!
Chief: You think those gusts of wind are bad, I've seen him do a handstand in that loincloth.
Big Ears: Bleck!
Caption (Complains of Names): Here it is, guys.
Big Ears: Wow, look at all that stuff!
Complains of Names: Thaco says this is what's left of adventurers who were eaten by the plant.
Chief: Weird. This has got to be the worst spear I've ever seen.
Complains of Names, Thaco, or Big Ears: That's odd. What's it made of, bone?
Chief: Yeah, it's too brittle to use as a melee weapon, and way too light to throw. This thing would flop through the air like a twig in the wind.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08062006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: Typical. Leave it to the medium sized humanoids to make a useless spear.
Chief: Watch this.
Goblin: Whoa!
Goblin: Look at that thing go!
SFX: Crackle
SFX: Cra-Rackle
SFX: Crack-Rackle
SFX: Fump Fump Fu-Fump Fump
Complains of Names: Did I just see that right? Did it just split up into more spears?
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Big Ears: Hey, they faded away!
Complains of Names: Well that sucks.
Chief: Um...
Chief: ...guys?
Big Ears: No offense to your short sword, but that is the coolest weapon in the whole damn party.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08122006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerChief: It looks like most of this is either falling apart or is too big for us. Which is a shame cause...
Chief: ...cause... um.. What are you doing?
Big Ears: Apparently, paladins can detect evil. So I'm checking these items to see if they're evil.
Chief: items can project evil?
Big Ears: I've heard that if they contain powerful enough magic, then they can.
Chief: Well I've never heard of an item that can...
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Chief: A fork?!
Chief: You seriously think that guy's fork might be evil?
Big Ears: Well, you never know. It could...
Big Ears: ...you know...
Big Ears: Raar.
Big Ears: Growl.
Big Ears: Grrr.
Big Ears: Arg.
Chief: Your impression of an evil fork is uncanny. But items and objects can not be evil.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08132006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: This outfit was forged in the deepest plane of hell by the foulest of demons!
Complains of Names: Thaco, you're overreacting! At least come out of the bushes so I can see it!
Thaco: No! I've seen Halflings, and none of them ever dressed like this pansy! This guy must've been from the Wussy Shire of Saint Fruity.
Complains of Names: You're just not used to it is all. Now let me sese.
Thaco: Fine, but I warned you.
Big Ears: Oh man.
Chief: Wow, that's rough.
Big Ears, Chief, or Complains of Names: I guess now we know why the Halfling kept that thing in his backpack.
Thaco: Alright, get me outta this thing!
SFX: Riiiiiip
Complains of Names: Hey, wait a second!
Thaco: What?
Complains of Names: Y'know, the outfit looks okay like that.
Thaco: Really?
Thaco: Heh.
Thaco: Yeah, I guess it does look better. All it needed was the savage touch of a Goblin.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08172006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBig Ears: Here Thaco, I brought your sword cane which, by the way, is really hard to use.
Thaco: Oh tell me about it. Thanks, Ears.
Chief: Geez Complains, tell me you're not thinking of using that Human's sword.
Complains of Names: No, it's way too big. I'm just reading the inscription. It says "Tu dae fadda".
Scabbard inscription: Tu Dae Fadda
Chief: "Tu da3 fadda"? Really? Wow, this guys must've been a Tarrock Barbarian. They're rare.
Scabbard inscription: Tu Dae Fadda
Complains of Names: Why? What's a Tarrock Barbarian?
Chief: A clan of Barbarians whose whole society is based around respecting their fathers.
Scabbard inscription: Tu Dae Fadda
Complains of Names: Pfft. Are you kidding me?
Chief: No, I'm serious. Everything a Tarrock does, from building a home to going to war, is done in the name of his father. It's said that the quickest way to die is to insult a Tarrocks's father.
Complains of Names: Gimme a break. So what's "Tu dae fadda" mean?
Chief: "For the father". It's sort of their warcry.
Chief: No no. Ears, just pile what we want into one backpack and I'll carry it!
Scabbard inscription: Tu Dae Fadda
Scabbard inscription: Tu Dae Fadd.
Scabbard inscription: Tu Dae Fadda
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08182006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Chief, Big Ears, or Thaco: C'mon Complains, we gotta go!
Complains of Names: Yeah, just gimme one second.
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Caption: Later, some distance away...
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08262006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerCharacter sheet The White Terror wrote:I am The White Terror.My name is Duv, chieftess of the Viper clan. Once every five hundred years, Maglubiyet, the god of all Goblins, causes a member of my clan to be born with wings capable of flight. This chosen Goblin is smarter, stronger, and faster than other Goblins. It's lifespan is extended to around one hundred, fifty years, instead of the typical thirty years that most Goblins live. The most extraordinary thing about each winged Goblin throughout my clan's history, is that we are living symbols of our god's willingness to interact with us as a race. You see, I bring hope to many Goblins of various clans and despair to all other races who would stand in our way as we achieve greatness.When I was a youngling, I was granted the title of chieftess because our laws state that when the winged Goblin is born, it must be made leader of the clan as soon as its old enough. In the beginning of my reign, I strove for peace with other races. I traded with tribes of Humans and shared information with Elves and Gnomes. Until one day, the Humans betrayed me. Fearing what I was, they slaughtered many Viper Goblins and tried to kill me by burning me alive. I managed to escape, but not before the fire took my beauty, my wing, and my ability to appear as a majestic symbol before my race.Now I know the truth. This realm holds no friends for the Goblin. All will eventually betray us and none can resist murdering us for their own personal gain. Armed with this truth, I am ready to fulfil my real destiny and unite the power of many Goblin clans to create an army capable of wiping out all of our enemies and turning this realm into a Goblin haven.
But before I do this, I must replace my stolen wing...
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08272006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Dies Horribly: Wha..?
Dies Horribly: Klik?
Grem: Don't try anything or you'll find my blade at your throat.
SFX: Sh-Ching
Grem: You think I was lying?! Sheathe your strange weapon before I slice you open!
SFX: Sh-Ching
Dies Horribly: For the love of the gods, watch where you point...
Duv, the White Terror: Grem! I told you to keep an eye on him while the healing potions took effect, not kill him! And as for you, outsider...
Duv: ...you'll lower your weapon if you don't want to face me.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08282006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerDies Horribly: You...
Dies Horribly: ...my fortune teller talked about you. You're the...
Duv, the White Terror: Yes.
Duv: I am.
Duv: This is our fortune teller, Riss. The angry Goblin behind you is my son, Grem. And who are you, outsider?
Dies Horribly: Dies Horribly.
Riss: Humf.
Riss: You see, Duv? This is exactly why I refuse to name based on my visions.
Duv: Well Dies Horribly, there are many things that I'm curious about. Like why you were away from your warcamp and who shot those arrows into you. But most of all, I'm curious about that obviously magical hand of yours.
Duv: As you've probably heard, I have an interest in magical limb replacement.
Dies Horribly: This? It0s hard to control and the metal is really heavy. I don't think you want a wing made of this stuff.
Dies Horribly: You're looking for the Blue Orb of Bloodlight, aren't you? The elders talk of your plans to use its power to replace your wing.
Duv: And that time has almost come. This warcamp is built around a giant, stone face. The mouth of this face is the entrance to a dungeon crawl called the Well of Darkness. We now know that the Orb lies deep within this dungeon, but to pass though its magically protected entrance, we need something called the Key of Darkness. An item that I have been unable to find despite my best efforts. So instead, I've been using slave labour to dig around the entrance and create our own, new tunnel that leads straight into the dungeon.
Duv: We've been collecting both Goblin and non-goblin slaves for this purpose. I'd get my own clan to do the work, but I need them fresh and ready to fight. It's odd, but the closer I get to ruling the world, the more adventurers I attract. We're attacked almost twice a month now. Not to mention the other monsters that would love to move in and take the Orb for themselves, now that I've done most of the work.
Dies Horribly: Slave labour? You mean that I...?
Duv: Consider yourself lucky, outsider. Many of my slaves have been digging for months now, but you're joining us when we're almost finished.
Duv: And once I have the Orb, all the Goblin slaves will be released as friends of the Viper clan.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/08292006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerDies Horribly: And what about the other races? The non-goblin slaves?
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Duv, the White Terror: A frightening amount of death is needed when bringing in a new world order. You would not be wise to concern yourself with the lives of lesser beings.
Duv: Now come on, Grem will show you your new home for the next while.
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09022006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerKyriel: Hey, are you awake?
Kyriel: Hava. Are you awake?
Piss Off I Hava Headache: (Grumble)
Piss Off I Hava Headache: Kyriel, in four hours it will get dark and our shift will start. If I haven't had enough sleep, I'm going to throw you off of this mountain.
Kyriel: I heard the Vipers talking. Apparently, they caught a new guy.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: That's freakin fantastic.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: I'm deliberately failing my listening checks now.
Dixon: Geez Hava, he's just trying to keep you in the loop!
Dixon: What's the challenge rating of the bug up your ass?
Piss Off I Hava Headache: You wanna find out, Dixon? Why don't you stick your head up there and roll for initiative?
Unknown slave: Hey, shut up down there! We're trying to sleep!
Some other Slave: Damn Goblins.
Grem: Get in.
Dies Horribly: Ah!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09032006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerKyriel, Hava, or Dixon: Aw, c'mon Grem. Don't chain him up with K'seliss!
Hava, Dixon, or Kyriel: Yeah, that's just cruel!
Piss Off I Hava Headache: Wow, you must've made quite an impression on Grem, shiny hand.
Dies Horribly: What do you mean?
Kyriel: Well they keep the slave workers chained together in pairs. I'm chained to my big brother, Dixon. But you're stuck with K'seliss, who is asleep under those blankets there. Workers chained to K'seliss tend to die horribly.
Hava or Dixon: Stop scaring the guy, Kyriel. I'm sure he'll be fine.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: What's your name, shiny hand?
Dies Horribly: Dies Horribly.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: Youch.
Dixon: I dunno why some clans still do those old fashioned naming ceremonies. Who wants a name like "Picks Berries" or "Pees Down His Leg" or whatever.
Dixon: Hava's clan still does the ceremonies too. His full name is Piss Off I Hava Headache.
Dies Horribly: That's an odd name.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: My parents thought so too, until three weeks after my naming ceremony, then they learned that the teller wasn't actually naming me. He really did just have a headache and he wanted everyone to leave him alone.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: Could have been worse though. There's a Goblin in my clan named Stop the Ceremony I Swallowed a Bug.
Piss Off I Hava Headache: Yeah, our teller really sucks at naming ceremonies.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09092006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGuard Kyle: I swear it Jake, tomorrow I'm going to quit being a guard and become an adventurer.
Guard Jake: You say that every time we get gate duty.
Guard Kyle: Well that's cause gate duty sucks. We get three gold a week for this crap, but in one dungeon crawl, I can find hundreds of gold pieces and probably a few magic items too! I don't know why everyone doesn't do it.
Guard Jake: Two words Kyle. Mortality rate.
Guard Kyle: huh?
Guard Jake: Nine out of ten adventurers die in the first month of their careers. Sure, if you can make it to the higher levels, like the Goblinslayer or Saral Caine, you've got it made. But most never make it past 3rd level.
Guard Jake: Plus, good luck with trying to buy all your adventuring gear.
Guard Kyle: What do you mean?
Guard Jake: Well the Player's Handbook lists a sewing needle at a cost of five silver pieces. But a ten foot ladder is half a silver piece! What's up with that?
Guard Jake: What's worse, is a ten foot pole is two silver pieces. I could just buy a ladder, then break it into two poles and sell those for a profit of three and a half silver! It's just weird.
Guard Kyle: What would an adventurer want with a sewing needle?
Guard Jake: Beats me.
Guard Kyle: What I don't understand, is how a backpack is two gold pieces, but a bedroll is one silver piece. I would kjust buy a bedroll and make it into two or three backpacks.
Guard Jake: Ah, but for that, you'd need a sewing needle.
Guard Kyle: Aha! That's how they getcha!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09102006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerFumbles (thinking): Wow!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09112006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerKid 1: Yer blocking is no good!
Kid 2: It's not my blocking! Toby isn't countering fast enough!
Toby: I counter faster than you, you tit mouse!
Fumbles (thinking): Younglings!
Kid 2: Well, you're a jackass! Get it? Jack... ass!
Toby: Well you're a pussycat! Get it?
Kid 2: Well you're a... um... penismonkey!
Toby: Penismonkey?
Kid 2: It's an animal.
Toby: No.
Toby: It isn't.
Fumbles: Um... Human younglings?
Fumbles: I'm looking for the Elf youngling, Aldyria. This is her's and...
Toby: Goblin!
Toby: Help!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09162006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerKid 2: Gobliiiiiin!
Toby: Get the elite guards!
Fumbles: Oh no.
Guard Reg: Goblin! Goblin within the city walls!
SFX: Tooooo Doooo
Guard: Get it!
SFX: Toooooo Dooooooooooo
Guard: There it is!
Guard: Captain Goblinslayer always said that there'd be a Goblin army at our city gates one day, and here we have the scout to prove it!
Guard: Grab it!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09172006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGuard: Get under it! Don't let it get away!
Guard: Reg, you dumbass! Grab it!
Guard Reg: Shut up, I'm trying!
Guard: I got it!
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Sign: Skinny Pete's Boots
SFX: Thu-Clack
Fumbles: Oof!
Fumbles: No!
Fumbles: Noooo!
Sign: Boots
Fumbles: Aah!
Guard Hank: Hey! What the hell!
Guard: Hank, you're such a screw up!
Guard Hank: It's not my fault! This thing is fast!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09182006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGuard: Wow, look at it go!
Guard Hank: Oof!
SFX: Thump
Fumbles: Huff
Fumbles: Huff
SFX: Shchunk
Fumbles: Gaaah!
Guard Reg: Aw geez, it's Lieutenant Caine.
Guard: We're in trouble now.
Saral Caine: I find it troublesome that after all your training, this many of you can't capture one Goblin.
Saral Caine: You there. you will see to it that elite guards replace all city guards at thegates and outer wall.
SFX: Crunch
Fumbles: Aaah!
Guard: But sir, the mayor won't...
Saral Caine: The mayor will agree once he learns that Goblins are freely entering his city.
Saral Caine: In the meantime, you will find Captain Goblinslayer and ask him to meet me in the lower dungeon.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09192006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerSaral Caine: Tell him that I have a Goblin in need of questioning.
Guard Hank: Yes sir.
Fumbles: Aa-Aaaah!
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09232006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: So there I was, surrounded by penis monkey...
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Big Ears: What's wrong, Chief?
Chief: There's someone out there.
Thaco: It's probably just a merchant or something. We're getting pretty close to Brassmoon, so we'll see more of them.
Chief: No. He's wearing too much armour to be a merchant. I think it's an adventurer.
Complains of Names: I agree, but he's at least a day's travel away, so I wouldn't worry about him.
Chief: Yeah, you're right.
Complains of Names: That sure is some weird armour he's got though.
Complains of Names: It's hard to tell, since he's pretty much a metallic speck on the horizon, but it looked like he was carrying a metal door on his back.
SFX: Clunk
Thaco; It can't be him. The stories never tell of him coming this far south.
Thaco: Damn these old eyes!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09242006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerThaco: Could you tell if he was a Dwarf?
Complains of Names: I couldn't even tell you if he had a tail, but with all that armour, I suppose he could be Dwarven. Why?
Thaco: Because if it's who I think it is, no monster in these woods is safe.
Big Ears: Who do you think it is?
Thaco: You guys ever hear about Kore the Dwarven paladin?
Thaco: No, you wouldn't have.
Thaco: He himself believes to be on some mission to destroy all evil. In his mind, evil is like some disease. Anyone who comes in contact with it is infected and must die, no matter how innocent they actually are.
Thaco: They say he's defeated entire armies by himself. They say he hunts monsters that have both high and low challenge ratings with equal detemination and that once he picks a target, he doesn't get distracted or bored. He has no fear, hesitation or mercy. He's not looking for XP or treasure. He just kills and nothing can stop him.
Big Ears: Whoa. Sorry to point the flaw in your story, Thaco, but this Dwarf that you're describing would've lost his paladin status long ago. You can't kill innocents and still be a paladin. Ever.
Thaco: I agree with you, and so would many others. Never the less, this is the case.
Big Ears: But... but that's impossible!
Thaco: Yes, but somehow he's a paladin.
Big Ears: Have you ever met the guy?
Thaco: Of course I've never met the guy! If I'd met the guy, I'd be dead!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09252006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerComplains of Names: Listen, he's not even headed toward Brassmoon city, so it's none of our business, And since we're now past the thrill of spotting a celebrity, can we get back to our mission?
Big Ears: Yeah, you're right. We should keep moving.
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Big Ears: So monks get a bonus feat at second level, right?
Thaco: Yup.
Big Ears: What did you take?
Thaco: Agile.
Big Ears: Well you know that feat only grants a bonus to balance and escape artist checks, right?
Thaco: Yup.
Big Ears: And you don't have to declare it every round or anything! You just naturally have it.
Thaco: Yeah, I know.
Big Ears: So... I guess the feat wasn't misunderstood in a comical way then. You just picked it after careful thought because it was a logical choice.
Thaco: Yup.
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Big Ears: I miss Vorpal.
Thaco: I know Ears. Me too.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/09302006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerKyriel: That's my side! You're on my side, Dixon!
Dixon: No, we agreed that your side ends right at this beetle.
Kyriel: But the beetle keeps walking toward me!
Piss Off I Hava Headache: You two wanna keep it down? You're gonna wake K'seliss.
Saves a Fox: Uuhh...
Piss Off I Hava Headache: Aw terrific. Now look what you guys did.
Saves a Fox: Yawn!
Saves a Fox: Who's the new guy?
SFX: Sh-Ching
Kyriel: Wow! I didn't know your hand could do that!
Dixon: Cool! How do you activate it?
Dies Horribly: Please don't kill me.
Saves a Fox: The hell? Why would I want to kill you?
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10012006-2/ wrote:► Show SpoilerPiss Off I Hava Headache: Oh, that's not K'seliss. That's 'Saves a Fox'.
Dies Horribly: But I thought...
Dies Horribly: Oh.
SFX: Shlink
K'Seliss: Grrrrrrr...
Piss Off I Hava Headache: That's K'seliss.
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K'seliss: Who dares to wake K'seliss?
SFX: Sh-Ching
Kyriel: Oh, now I see how the hand works. It's activated by wetting yourself.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10052006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerK'seliss: New meat, eh?
K'seliss: Well you listen very closely, little meal. I am the most feared of all Lizardfolk. I have swallowed adventurers whole.
K'seliss: I have ripped the spines out of paladins while they screamed for mercy! I have stood before entire guilds of wizards and...
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K'seliss: ...survived spells more terrifying than you could ever imagine.
K'seliss: So while we're chained together, you do what I say, when I say it!
Saves a Fox: Oh, give it a rest, K'seliss! We all know that if you eat one more digger, the Viper clan will feed you to the worgs!
K'seliss: You better watch your mouth Fox, or...
Saves a Fox: Or what? I'll mash you into a sticky paste before you even know you're in a fight!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10062006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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K'seliss: Lousy, stinkin Goblins everywhere I turn mumble grumble complain...
Piss Of I Hava Headache: And that, Dies Horribly, is why a Lizardfolk is chained up in the Goblin section. Fox is the only one who can usually keep him in line.
Saves a Fox: Trust me, I'm tougher than I look.
Dies Horribly: Well, then why didn't they just make you his partner?
Piss Of I Hava Headache: Cause Fox and I are squeezers and squeezers don't have partners. Our job is to squeeze into those tight spaces and chip away at the weakest points of the rock, so that by the time the diggers get to that area, the stone is nice and weakened.
Saves a Fox: Here new guy, you can have my blanket. I don't need it.
Dies Horribly: Thanks.
Dies Horribly: I didn't know Lizardfolk could get that big.
SFX: Sh-Ch...
Saves a Fox: I don't think they can, normally. I think he's got traces of Ogre in him or something. They say K'seliss was mutated by some mad wizard who had a thing for magically combining races. I hear there's even a Human/Stone Giant living in Brassmoon City. Heh.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10072006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Saves a Fox: So... 'Dies Horribly' is it? That's gotta be rough.
Saves a Fox: I wouldn't dwell on it though. It's not like it's set in stone.
Dies Horribly: What? That's exactly what it's like. It's my destiny.
Saves a Fox: My father is our clan's teller. When I was three years old, he told me that on my fifth birthday, I would meet the Fox that I was meant to save. I remember being really angry because I didn't want to be a puppet to some destiny. I wanted to make my own choices. Sure enough, on my fifth birthday, a fox snuck into our village and found his way into the hollow tree where we store our food. The whole village watched as I climbed into that damn tree. When I found the Fox, he was gorging himself. He wasn't even afraid of me.
Dies Horribly: And then you saved him?
Saves a Fox: Then I killed him.
Dies Horribly: What?! Why? Why would you do that?
Saves a Fox: I told you, I'm no puppet to destiny. I keep this tail as a reminder that nothing controls me. I make my own fate.
Saves a Fox: And so do you, Dies Horribly.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10122006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGuard Tayshun: So this Goblin actually snuck into the city?
Guard Hank: Yes.
Guard Tayshun: And where is he?
Guard Hank: I just told you, Saral Caine took it to the lower dungeons.
Guard Tayshun: I don't know why Lieutenant Caine can't go get Captain Goblinslayer himself. In fact, I don't know why you got me to come with you! You know how much that pet of his freaks me out!
Guard Hank: What, the Yuan-ti? She's harmless.
Guard Tayshun: And where is this Goblin now?
Guard Hank: Holy Vecna's ass! Tayshun, if you ask me where the Goblin is one more time...
Guard Tayshun: Right, right. Sorry...
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SFX: Riiip
Guard Tayshun: I don't care how much time this shortcut saves. This sucks. We're elite guards and we shouldn't be crawling through the garbage in some alley!
Guard Hank: The problem isn't the shortcut, it's that stupid cape of yours. That thing isn't even part of our uniform.
Guard Hank: Why do you wear it?
Guard Tayshun: Cause it looks cool. It's got a moon on it, and you know... We're the elite guards of Brassmoon.
Guard Hank: That's a picture of a mace or a scepter or something.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10132006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGuard Tayshun: What are you, blind? That's a crescent moon!
Guard Hank: Sigh.
Guard Hank: That's no moon, that's a mace, Tayshun.
Guard Hank: We're here. Captain Goblinslayer's quarters.
Guard Hank: And don't blame me if he orders your execution for wearing that dumb cape.
Guard Tayshun: You don't know what you're talking about. He'll probably love it.
SFX: Knock Knock
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Enter
Guard Hank: Uh... Goblinslayer? A Goblin was captured within the city walls. Lieutenant Caine has it in the lower dungeons for questioning and he requests your presence.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: A Goblin?! An escaped prisoner from our dungeons?
Guard Hank: No sir. We believe that he may be a scout for an invading army.
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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Tell Saral Caine that I'll be there presently.
Guard Hank: Yes Sir.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10142006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerDellyn Goblinslayer: And guard?
Guard Tayshun: Me sir?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: You'll remove that cape and if I ever see you out of uniform like that again, I'll have you executed.
Guard Tayshun: Yes sir.
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SFX: Click
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Guard Hank: Baaa ha Ha!
Guard Tayshun: Kiss my ass, Hank.
Fumbles: Aaah! Ah!
Fumbles: Aahaaaa!
Fumbles: Aaah!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10212006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerSaral Caine: It's been awhile now. Are you sure he's coming?
Guard Hank: He said that he'd be here "presently".
Guard Tayshun: Why would a Goblin be carrying around a child's toy?
Guard Hank: Maybe it's been soaked in some magical disease meant to wipe out our city.
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Guard Tayshun: Gaaa!
Guard Hank: Heh heh. Relax, I'm kidding.
Guard Tayshun: You ass! You're worse than the stinking Goblin
Guard Tayshun: Maybe there's something valuable inside it.
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SFX: Thunk
Fumbles: Nnnnnnnooooo!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10222006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerSFX: Riiiiiiiipp
Saral Caine: Have you forgotten your place, guard? What happens to the Goblin's belongings is up to captain Goblinslayer!
Dellyn Goblinslayer: You should listen to Saral Caine.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: I've adventured with him for years and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that he's usually right.
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: You, hold onto Kin.
Badge: Goblin slayer
Guard Tayshun: Me sir? But uh... I don't... um... think that...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Oh gimme a break, guard! It's a magical leash and collar. As long as someone holds the leash, she can commit no violent act, especially against the holder, and all of her Yuan-ti powers are subdued!
Guard Tayshun: But... It's just that Kin is... Well she creeps me out and...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Oh do yourself a favour and stop trying to justify your cowardice.
Badge: Goblin slayer
Badge: Goblin slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Now then, let's see what we have here.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10282006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
Badge: Goblin Slayer
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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Where is the Goblin army you are scouting for?
Fumbles: Ah!
Fumbles: What? I... I don't know. I... Please. I just wanna go home.
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: You don't know this yet, but all of the knives behind you here were invented by me. They took countless hours of research to create.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Each knife is specifically made for a certain type of flesh. This one is my favorite. It's been nicknamed the finger of hell and is designed to tear Goblin flesh in such a way as to cause the most pain possible.
Dellyn Goblinslayer:Oh, I suppose it'd hurt any monster that I chose to use it on, but to a Goblin... well...
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: I could show you nightmare that you never knew existed.
Badge: Gob... Sla...
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10292006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerDellyn Goblinslayer: And the finger of hell does more than just hurt. In a Goblin, it causes grotesque, permanent scarring.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Now. I'm going to ask you about the Goblin army again and I really...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: ...really hope that you continue to lie to me.
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Where is your army and when are they planning to attack?
Fumbles: Mmmmhmm!
Fumbles: I don't know what you're talking about but please don't hurt me, okay? Just let me go home, okay? Please?
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Sigh
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Maybe I'm misjudging you. Maybe there is no army and maybe you're no scout. Maybe when you entered my beautiful city, it was a misunderstanding.
Badge: Goblin Slayer
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Maybe you trespassed because you thought that you were a civilized humanoid, like a Human or perhaps a Gnome.
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Maybe
Dellyn Goblinslayer: you've forgotten what you are!
Badge: Gob...
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Dellyn Goblinslayer: Maybe I should make sure you never forget again.
Fumbles: No wait! Please, just wait a second, okay? Just... No!
Screams (Fumbles): Noooaaaa! Aaaaaahh! Naaaahaaa!
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/10302006/ wrote:original scene► Show SpoilerFumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o (thinking)): There's that Dwarf and Human! Okay Senor Vorpal Kickass'o, courage is needed. Don't let anything distract you. Focus on the battle and only the battle.
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o (thinking)): Let nothing...
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o (thinking)): Hey cool, a pick!
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o (thinking)): These do like, D"something" damage! It could make the difference between success and failure!
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Nnnn!
Fumbles mindretreat (Minmax): So is that it then? Did we win?
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Wa!
Fumbles mindretreat (Forgath): Well I think there are a few survivors still running around here somewhere, but basically ya, these Goblins got spanked big time.
SFX: Thump
Fumbles mindretreat (Minmax): Yes! Then it's time to hit that poorly locked treasure chest! I call first dibs!
Fumbles mindretreat (Forgath): What are you, twelve? You can't just "call dibs". It goes by a system of necessity compared with practicality.
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Heh
Fumbles mindretreat (Senor Vorpal Kickass'o): Turn and face justice, adventurers! For you now stand before the full fury of Senor Vorpal...
Dellyn Goblinslayer: Alright men, let's leave him alone to think about whether or not he'd like to continue being uncooperative.
Guard Hank, Guard Tayshun, or Saral Caine: Yes sir.
Forhead Fumbles: Monster
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/11022006/ wrote:.► Show SpoilerGrem: You sent for me, mother?
Duv, the White Terror: I did.
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Duv, the White Terror: You're bringing food and clean blankets to Saves a Fox again, aren't you?
Grem: And what if I am? Does it not serve our clan to have healthy slaves?
Duv, the White Terror: Grem, we can all see that you're attracted to her.
Riss: There is no shame in your attraction. Her combat skills are astounding and she has more courage than many chiefs I've met, but you have to accept that as her captor, you are her enemy. She will hate you forever and bringing her a thousand blankets won't change that.
Grem: Careful with those words, Riss. It's becoming even more obvious that you enjoy watching others suffer.
Russ: Having an interest in the suffering of others is merely a natural surviving instinct. The more suffering I watch, the more educated I become and the better equipped I am for avoiding future mishaps of my own.
Duv, the White Terror: That's enough, Riss. Grem, I summoned you because a short time ago, the daytime digging crew succeeded in punching a hole into the dungeon crawl. Our tunnel now leads directly into the first room of the Well of Darkness
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/11032006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerGrem: What? Well that's great! I will immediately gather the eight Goblin warriors who were chosen to venture into "The Well" with me!
Grem: You will have the Orb of Bloodlight before the sun comes up.
Duv, the White Terror: There has been a change of plans. As soon as the Well was opened up, Riss had a vision.
Riss: I saw that although you would be successful in retrieving the Orb, most of your group would die in that dungeon crawl. This troubled me, since the loss of our greatest warriors would leave us vulnerable to our enemies. Then, as the vision continued, I saw that if we were to send in Fox, K'seliss and the new one called Dies Horribly, they would succeed and we would still have all of our warriors.
Grem: That cannot be, Riss! Saves a Fox, an insane reptile and a shaky coward cannot accomplish the same tasks as the Viper clan's best warriors!
Riss: Well of course not. But while your group would find the Orb through fine training and superior skills, the three misfits would succeed with blind luck and happenstance. this is why it must be only the three of them, their actions will be different and success will not be guaranteed. But fear not Grem, your lovely Fox will survive. Only K'seliss and Dies Horribly will perish in that terrible place.
Grem: Riss, the nine of us have sworn our lives for the good of our clan and for all of Goblin kind! We're prepared to die for this cause! Now, I don't like K'seliss and Dies Horribly, but no one deserves to be forced to fight and die for someone else's beliefs!
Duv, the White Terror: I agree with you and I don't like it anymore than you do, but if I can choose between the possible death of my son, and the deaths of a Lizardfolk and a Goblin from a shamed clan, I will choose your life.
Grem: Mother, aside from you, I am the best warrior in this clan. It is my duty to face danger! You can't just...
Duv, the White Terror: There will be no more discussion about this.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/11042006/ wrote:► Show Spoiler-
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Viper Goblin: Chieftess! Hobgoblins!
Viper Goblin: Hobgoblins approach from the lower paths!
Duv, the White Terror: What?
Viper Goblin: They bear the marking of the Chorgrak clan and are marching in an order that suggests a peaceful approach. They may have come merely to trade.
Duv, the White Terror: The Chorgrak are usually more interested in killing things than trading with them. How many did you see?
viper Goblin: Over sixty, chieftess.
Duv, the White Terror: "Peaceful approach" my ass.
Duv, the White Terror: Grem, take three war parties and stay out of sight on the second ridge. Designate one party as ranged attackers and have them stay up there. If a battle should start, you'll lead the other two parties into combat.
Duv, the White Terror: Riss, take one war party and stay near the dungeon tunnel entrance.
Riss: Only one? But Duv...
Duv, the White Terror: If we place any more there, the tunnel will look like something of value. Now go.
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http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/11082006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBorrl: You be the one winged, Viper clan chief that other clans talk of?
Duv, the White Terror: No. I'm, that other one winged Goblin.
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Borrl: Where be Viper chief?
Duv, the White Terror: Sigh.
Duv, the White Terror: I'm the chief, what do you want?
Borrl: I be Borrl, chief of Chorgrak clan. My father's father claimed this dungeon crawl and any treasure inside it for Chorgrak. You leave now, you live. You stay and you be crushes!
Viper Goblin: That's a filthy lie! You just want it now because...
Duv, the White Terror: I wonder Borrl, if this place was so adamantly claimed, why there were no markings when we got here.
Duv, the White Terror: I don't think that your clan has ever claimed the Well of Darkness. I think that you've heard the rumours concerning how we're about to find a powerful item inside, and now you want it.
http://www.goblinscomic.com/comic/11092006/ wrote:► Show SpoilerBorrl: We bigger than you!
Borrl: We stronger than you!
Borrl: Give us the dungeon with the Orb or you all be crushes!
Borrl: Your hand... What that mean?
Duv, the White Terror: That's the signal.
SFX: Zip Zip
SFX: Shwa-Thunk
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