Minmax: You wanna warn me before you do that?!
Forgath: Y'know, you didn't yell this much at the guy who actually gave you those wounds.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Attribute shield: ..n...le...
Forgath: Whoa! This ring gants +4 armour class against missile weapons!
Minmax: Cool! Which ring do I get?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Attribute shield: ..n...le...
Forgath: I'll make you a deal. I get both rings, and you get whatever's in the chest there.
Minmax: Hmmm.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Attribute shield: ..n...le...
Minmax: What do you think, Kin? Want to split the mystery chest with me?
Kin: I just want the Jade Teapot. You two can have everything else. That was the deal.
Attribute shield: ..n...le...
Minmax: Well okay.
Minmax: Forgath, you just lost out on a chest load of sweet loot!
SFX: Ca-Click
Badge: MM
SFX: Creeeeeeeeee
Minmax: Whoa.
Minmax: What a crappy looking sword.
Badge: MM
Minmax: Aw, you gotta be kidding me!
Forgath: Hey! Armour! What luck! You need armour! And it looks like it might be magical, too!
Badge: MM
Necklace: .EN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: C'mon, you need armour and this is good, possibly enchanted half plate. Let me help you put it on.
Necklace: KE.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: Forgath, why would you need to help him put it on?
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: He traded his ability to dress himself for an extra feat.
Minmax: I'm not wearing that pink thing!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Y'know what, fine. But I'm not healing wounds that could've been avoided with a bit of armour.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: Sigh.
Kin: I'll put it on him.
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Come on, put your arms up.
Minmax: No.
Badge: M.
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Minmax, I'd rally like to win this race and get my teapot and I'd rather not have it covered in your blood. So please just put your arms up.
Minmax: Idoenwanna!
Badge: MM
Kin: Put.
Kin: Your arms.
Kin: Up.
Badge: MM
Necklace: KE.
Minmax: Hmph.
Badge: MM
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: My fingers are tangled!
Kin: Then make fists with your hand.
Badge: MM
Necklace: .E.
Kin: No. No, boots go on after pants.
Minmax: You better check your facts on that one, Miss "I've never worn boots or pants".
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: This second shirt doesn't even have a hole for my head!
Kin: Those are the pants!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: Huff. Huff. You go though that every time?
Forgath: It's easier if you hide the boots until the pants are on.
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: I look like an idiot.
Kin, or Forgath: Actually, the design doesn't look bad.
Minmax: I guess.
Minmax: But why would they make it pink?
Minmax: Why not grey?
Minmax: Or blue?
Forgath: Um... Minmax?
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Anything but pink.
Minmax: Stupid pink.
Forgath: Minmax, say "blue" again!
Kin: Say any colour!
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: What are you talking about?
SFX: Tink
SFX: Thshwa Thshwa Thshwa
Minmax: The hell?
Forgath: Whoa. Your sword... well... copied the floor!
Helmet: ...s a ..lmet
Forgath: Let me try something.
SFX: Tink
Helmet: .his .s a .elmet
SFX: Thshwa Thshwa Thshwa
Minmax: Hey. Hey! This sword is giving me a +2 strength!
Forgath: Yes! It copied the power of my ring! Do you realise what this means?! We can copy any magic item we find!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Wait. Why isn't it copying your skin? You're touching the blade.
Helmet: ..is a ..lmet
Kin: Its enchanting probably only targets non-organic material, that way, it won't turn into the flesh of those he attacks.
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: We'll have to make sure it never touches fire or something. It could get snuffed out and destroyed.
Kin: Actually, swords like this are usually tens of thousands of winters old. It most likely has safety measures that stop it from destroying itself. For instance, if we touched it to ice, that 'ice blade' would never shatter or melt.
SFX: Fwaassh
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Minmax...
Forgath: Minmax, what did you do?
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Nothing.
Kin: Did you paradoxically replicate oblivion?
Minmax: No.
Minmax: Maybe.
Minmx: Kind of.
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: What's the big deal? I'll just change it back.
SFX: Tink
Minmax: Hey. It's not changing back.
Kin: Of course not. It can no longer copy anything because it's made of oblivion. technically, it doesn't exist.
Forgath: The sword survived for ten thousand winters and it took you a minute and a half to break it!
Helmet: .his .s a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Kin: I'm surprised the sword didn't cease to exist when it copied oblivion.
Minmax: Huh?
Forgath: Well, you said yourself that the sword probably has safety measures that stop it from destroying itself.
Minmax: Huh?
Kin: True, but those conditions seem to have created some perplexing contradictions. How can a weapon that doesn't exist, damage someone?
Forgath: Maybe it can't.
Minmax: Huh?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Yup. It can definitely do damage.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: Hmm. I'd like to test something. Forgath, try to move the blade while Minmax holds it.
Necklace: .EN
Forgath: Hnnnn!
Minmax: Are you sure you're even trying? I can't feel you pushing.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Weird! I can't even feel your weight on the blade at all!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: So the sword can affect, but it can't be affected, except by Minmax, its creator. Interesting.
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: So Minmax is the only thing in existence that can make the sword move.
Kin: Exactly. In fact, if he were to drop the sword, I expect that not even gravity would affect it and it would just hover in the air. Go ahead Minmax, try it.
Necklace: .EN
Forgath: What the hell was that?!
Minmax: I'll tell ya what that was! That was an alternate me stealing my broken sword!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: But how?
Minmax: He probably has a ring of invisibility. He's probably still in this room.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Where are you, you thieving coward!? I only have a -4 penalty to hit invisible targets, so I'm just gonna keep swinging until I hit you!
Kin: I don't think that was an alternate Minmax. The hand we saw had pink armour and since we found that in here, there should be no alternates of it.
Minmax: Wataaa!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: .EN
Forgath: Then where did the hand come from?
Kin: Maybe the sword, once out of Minmax's grip, is unaffected not just spatially, but chronologically as well. Perhaps, without Minmax's touch, the sword cannot be affected by time and therefore cannot travel through time.
Minmax: Ba-doosh!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: But if we're moving forward through time and the sword isn't, wouldn't that make it sort of... disappear? It doesn't explain the hand.
Kin: Agreed. Unless...
Minmax: Windmiiilllll!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KE.
Kin: Minmax. Try to grab your sword.
Minmax: What?
Kin: Your sword is currently stuck in time. Frozen in the moment in which you let go of it. Try reaching through mid air. The sword should guide your hand back in time to grab it.
Minmax: Um... okay, I guess.
Previous Minmax: Hey!
SFX: Thwep
Minmax: Well damn.
Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
Forgath: Wow, I could even hear Minmax from the past yelling "Hey". We might be able to talk to each other through time!
Kin: Not really. The time hole is only open for a second. Any longer and we'd experience feedback. And we won't be able to pass messages or items through, since the hole exists only for Minmax and his sword. I suppose we could write messages on Minmax's gauntlet, but we'd only have a second to read them.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Kin: This sword seems to treat oblivion as though it were a power source. The more the weapon is `nothing┬┤, the more power it has. And since oblivion cannot exist, even as a concept, the less concept a wielder has of what the sword truly is and how it works, the more powerful it is.
Forgath: Wait.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: Are you telling me that this sword is powered by Minmax's stupidity?
Kin: Well, more accurately, his ignorance, but yes.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: By Herbert's dice! In Minmax's hands, that sword is insanely powerful.
Minmax: Huh? I don't get it.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: That's perfect! Keep thinking that way!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Well if this sword is made of oblivion or whatever, I hereby name it...
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: ..N
Minmax: Oblivious!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Uh... Minmax? Oblivious doesn't mean...
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: Actually, in this case, I think it fits.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Alright, but we'd better get going. If the psionic Minmax was telling the truth, then reality thirty eight will be here soon.
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: Oh, before we leave, let me just go back to the giant wall room! I gotta reach through the hole, move my giant belt buckle and grab all those magic rings underneath!
Forgath: Okay, but say "black".
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: What?
Forgath: Eh, I'll tell him when he gets back.
Kin: I'm not sure if his plan is going to work.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: Why not?
Kin. Well, the psionic levitated him on a section of wall. If that section was from the enchanted wall in question, then that enchantment may have been disrupted.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: You mean it could be broken?
Minmax: It's broken!
Kin: Yes.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: C'mon, forget the rings! There's a whole treasure room waiting for us at the end of this race!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: Forgath, should we go ahead and open the next door?
Forgath: Yeah, let me just grab my gauntlets.
Necklace: KEN
SFX: Creeee
Forgath: Oh no. You're reality thirty eight?
Kin: You know him?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: I got my backpack, but I lost those rings and my belt buckle. that really pisses me...
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: You!
Minmax: I hate you!
Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
Minmax #38: You're going to hate him a lot more in a moment, when he's ripping you to pieces.
Beltbuckle: I am grea.
Kin: But... why would a demon work with a human?
Forgath: If you speak a demon's true name, you can either banish them to hell or make them serve you.
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: I tried to guess his name. All I know is that it's definitely not Walter.
Minmax #38: What can I say, I'm just good at guessing names.
Minmax #38: Kill them. But don't use any more fireballs. I want to loot the corpses this time.
Not Walter #38: Sigh. Nothing personal, guys. I don't even want to be here. All I can do is work for this mortal until he dies of old age or something.
SFX: Clang
Necklace: .EN
Not Walter #38: Nice sword. It didn't even budge when I hit it.
Minmax: You can't move what doesn't exist.
Forgath: Minmax!
Kin: Alt Minmax!
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
-
Forgath: Ghaaa!
SFX: Shunk
Helmet: This is a helm..
Forgath: Herbert!
Forgath (magic): Summon Monster: 1!
SFX: Fffwoom
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Suck badger!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badger (magic): Grwaaar!
Kin: A Badger?
Forgath: It's a level 1 spell. Give me a break.
Minmax #38: Gah!
SFX: Rrip
Badger (magic): Grrr!
Necklace: KEN
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: What are you doing?!
Forgath: I'm getting my mace out of my backpack!
Badger (magic): Nung! Nung! Nung!
SFX: Crunch
Minmax #38: Ah!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Kin: you don't think it would be appreciatively appropriate to transport your weapon outside of the enclosed container that...
Forgath: The thing is heavy, okay?!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Looks like you just lost your demon, tough guy. What's your next move?
Helmet: This is a ..lmet
Forgath: Yeah, that's what I figured.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Forgath! The upside down trees are burning! The fire is damaging them! That makes more trees grow! But the new trees are burning too! That makes even more trees! But even those trees burn and...
Necklace: KEN
Kin: He gets it!
Minmax: We're getting squished by trees! What do we do?!
Minmax: Forgath? Where did you go?
Minmax: Are the trees squishing you too?
Forgath: Dwarves.
Forgath: Don't.
Forgath: Like.
Forgath: Trees.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: You made it!
Forgath: I lost my backpack. All I managed to save was my mace and the Anymug.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Did you level up?
Forgath: Yeah. Third level cleric now. You?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Actually, I'm now a second level fighter and a first level barbarian.
Forgath: You took a level in barbarian?
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Yeah! The strength bonus from raging is totally awesome!
Forgath: Y'know you can only rage once per day, right?
Minmax: Twice. I took the 'Extra Rage' feat.
Forgath: Great. So now instead of hitting things, you'll be hitting things and screaming.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Hey, don't drink that! If you want water, summon it with the Anymug. We don't know what's in this river.
Kin: Healing Potion.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath and Minmax: What?!
Kin: I just drank some and it healed all of my wounds.
Forgath: No. Nonono. That's not possible. There is no way that we're standing in a river of healing potion! I mean... We'd have heard about this place! It'd be famous!
Helmet: This is a helmet
SFX: Sluurrp
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Minmax: Aw yeah. That's the stuff.
Helmet: This is a helmet
-
Helmet: This is a helmet
-
Forgath: Woohoo!
Minmax: Yaaa!
SFX: Ka-Splash
SFX: Splaaash
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: Scratch the 20 off the dice and draw our faces in its place because we are critical success!
Forgath: A whole river of Healing Potion to ourselves!
Kin: Except...
Minmax: What.
Kin: Well... How are we going to carry this stuff?
Minmax: We can just... um... oh. Crap.
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Do you have many containers capable of transporting liquids? Maybe some canteens?
Forgath: Well, no. If we wanted a drink, we just used the Anymug.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Minmax: We can't summon this Healing Potion with the mug, but we can still fill it up.
Forgath: I guess so, but...
Helmet: This is a helmet
Forgath: Hey, what are you doing?
Forgath: Hell no! I'm not spending the rest of the dungeon crawl like this!
Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
Saves a Fox: Dies, are you okay? I... I think your arm... possessed you!
Dies Horribly: What?
SFX: Klik
Biscuit: It's because of the noisy, round spirit. It probably infected you or something. They're horribly lifeforms that come from another world.
Dies Horribly: Wait. You know about Klik's species?!
SFX: Klik
Biscuit: Oh yes. Noisy, round spirits are all over Cloudypine Mountain. They eat our weapons and tools. My clan kills them or traps them in enchanted, wooden cages. You should kill this one before it eats all of your metal. Well, goodbye.
-
Saves a Fox: Hey!
Biscuit: Yes?
Saves a Fox: We just saved you from eternal suffering!
Biscuit. Oh yes, and I am very grateful. I wish you success in all that you seek.
Biscuit: Well, goodbye.
Dies Horribly: But... for six hundred winters, you've suffered constant, horrible pain at the hands of those demons. Don't you care? I mean... you don't seem fazed or shaken.
Biscuit: Little Goblin. I am from the clan of Roak. The largest Orcs in this realm. We are known for our ability to accept loss without pause or regret. A Roak warrior can lose a favoured weapon, a loved one, even a limb without feeling sadness or disappointment. While our enemies must face the emotional pain of loss, the clan of Roak is immune to this feeling because we are the strongest and best Orcs. My clan is everything to me. It is who I am and so I return to them now as a true Roak warrior.
Saves a Fox: But the Roak clan was wiped out two hundred winters ago.
Dies Horribly: His whole clan was wiped out?! That's terrible! By who?
Saves a Fox: We're looking for the Bloodlight Orb. Do you know where it is?
Biscuit: Oh yes. Of course. It's right over there.
Biscuit: The area is shrouded in a dome of invisibility. It's easy enough to grab the Orb, just know that while you're in the dome, you too will be invisible.
Saves a Fox: I don't see anything.
Biscuit: See where the Blade Beetles seem to just vanish? It's there.
Saves a Fox: Ah, so if a group of adventurers were to get down here and defeat the demons in a climactic battle, the beetles could then act as a clue to the location of the orb.
Biscuit: Basically.
Saves a Fox: That seems kind of contrived.
Biscuit: Most dungeon crawls are.
Dies Horribly: By the way, I'm Dies Horribly and this is Saves a Fox and Klik.
Biscuit: I'm Biscuit.
Dies Horribly: Biscuit?
Biscuit: Sigh. When I was newly born, my clan traded with some Humans for food and supplies. I loved a Human food called biscuits very much, so I was named after it.
Saves a Fox: What's wrong? You're looking at me funny.
Dies Horribly: Um. Your shirt. I think it's in the dome and...
Saves a Fox: Hey, I think I feel something. I think it's the orb!
Biscuit: Yup. That's it. What do you want it for, anyways?
Saves a Fox: A Goblin chieftess is going to kill some Goblin, Orc, Kobold and Troglodyte captives unless we give her the orb so she can use it to get back her second wing so she can fly to all the Goblin clans as a symbol of Goblin superiority and take over the realm.
Saves a Fox: Y'know. When I say it out loud like that, it sounds so...
Dies Horribly: Far-fetched?
Saves a Fox: And yet, here we are.
SFX: Kkkkkr
Saves a Fox: Where are you going, Biscuit?
Biscuit: Up.
Biscuit: You can come with me if you want. You saved me. So honour says I will risk my life to save you if it comes to that.
Saves a Fox, or Dies Horribly: Where does this tunnel lead?
Biscuit: I think it's an exit from the dungeon.
Dies Horribly, or Saves a Fox: You "think"?
Biscuit: I don't know for sure. This is the furthest I've ever made it without being killed.
-
SFX: Crack
SFX: Ca-Crack
Biscuit: Ah. It's good to be outside again.
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edit: added the third page to this list too.
Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:41 am, edited 6 times in total.
Viper Goblin 7: You there! Large Orc! You are a non Goblin who has trespassed onto Viper territory! The punishment for this is death! Drop your axe and we will see to it that your death is quick!
Saves a Fox: Viper clan! Stop! The Orc is with us!
Dies Horribly: Hey! What are you doing?!
Viper Goblin: You dare to attack the Viper clan?! For that, you shall die!
Dies Horribly: Are you stupid?! We're bringing you the orb that your chief told us to get!
Viper Goblin: You dare to insult the Viper clan?! For that, you shall die!
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Duv, the White Terror: Where's the orb?! Where's my son?! Where's Grem?!
Saves a Fox: Grem is dead!
-
Duv, the White Terror: Dead?
Duv, the White Terror: No.
Saves a Fox: He and K'seliss gave their lives so you could have your precious orb. Now let us go!
Duv, the White Terror: Let you go? You killed my son, then you killed a dozen Vipers! I'll give the order right now and watch you die at my...
Biscuit: It sure is a sunny day today.
Biscuit: Forgive me, I'm not very familiar with sunshine. In fact, I'm far more familiar with pain and death than I am with sunshine. No matter how much sunshine there is, in my experience, there's always more main and death. Always.
Duv, the White Terror: Um...
Duv, the White Terror: Ooookay.
Duv, the White Terror: Maybe we shouldn't have any more bloodshed.
Biscuit: All I wanted was to pass through this land.
Duv, the White Terror: You so you shall. I have recently let all of my non-Goblin slaves leave through the south exit from my territory. A team of Goblins will lead you there and you may go in peace as they did.
Biscuit: And what about Dies Horribly and Saves a Fox? Will they...
SFX: SsssssReeeeee
Dies Horribly: Aah!
Saves a Fox: Dies, are you okay?!
Dies Horribly: I think so. The orb's energy must be my arm's negative.
Saves a Fox: But I thought the Key of Darkness was your arm's negative.
Dies Horribly: The orb and the key are from the same dungeon crawl. They must use the same kind of energy.
Duv, the White Terror: You found the Key of Darkness as well as the Orb of Bloodlight? And your arm is somehow connected to both of them? I think I've underestimated your part in all of this.
Duv, the White Terror: Take the Orc to the south exit and let him go free. These two will stay with me for now.
Saves a Fox: We're not your prisoners any more, Duv!
Duv, the White Terror: Of course not. But I'm about to use the orb to replace my missing wing. As Goblins, you should be present for this historic moment.
Caption: Later...
Biscuit: So this is the way to the south exit from your clan's territory?
Viper Goblinette: We're heading south, aren't we?
-
Viper Goblin: So that "it's a sunny day" stuff. You really shook up our chief with that. That's not easy to do. You must be smart.
Viper Goblin: Orc's aren't known for that, are they? Being smart, I mean. Everyone knows Orcs are stupid. you must think you're pretty special then. Shaking up the realm's most important Goblin with your words.
Viper Goblin: Why don't you try that with me? Say something to shake me up. Upset me with your smart words.
-
Viper Goblin: Pfft. That's what I thought.
Viper Goblinette: Here it is. This is as far as we'll take you. From here you travel alone.
Viper Goblin: This is a safe passage, so you'll be fine, Orc.
Viper Goblin: Well? There's nothing more to say, so go.
Biscuit: There are three things to say.
Biscuit: First, all creatures in this realm get a stackable bonus to their wisdom score, the longer they live. Second, I'm over six hundred winters old. And third, Sense Motive is a wisdom based skill. I knew you were lying about this path as soon as you moved those hidden, little teeth of yours.
Biscuit: You look shaken.
Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:42 am, edited 2 times in total.
Duv, the White Terror: Goblins!
Duv, the White Terror: War is coming!
Duv, the White Terror: Today is an historic day! I am about to replace my stolen wing and fly from clan to clan as a symbol of greatness! I will unite all Goblins!
Duv, the White Terror: Once united, we will be an army powerful enough to take this realm as our own! An act that our God has decreed as just!
Duv, the White Terror: But first, I want you to look upon the eight Goblins who stand before us.
Duv, the White Terror: Each is a representative from a different clan. Each has bravely risen from slave to ambassador.
Duv, the White Terror: And as we're about to find out, possibly even chief!
Saves a Fox: What?
Duv, the White Terror: As we know, the great Maglubiyet, God of all Goblins, will allow one chief per clan and that chief must be appointed by a teller.
Duv, the White Terror: Our teller, Riss, is now performing the first step of the chiefing ceremony one each of these Goblins. If that Goblin's clan already has a chief, the ceremony will be void and we unfortunately, won't have the power to crown that Goblin.
Duv, the White Terror: But if their clan is chiefless, the sacrificial blood on their hand will shine. As the chosen clan of the chosen race, we will officially and irreversibly make them chief of their clan.
Dies Horribly: I don't understand. Why is Duv doing this?
Saves a Fox: if she can befriend foreign Goblins and use a loophole in our system to turn as many of them as she can into chiefs, she'll control those clans.
Dies Horribly: And this... is war?
Saves a Fox: Worse. Politics.
Dies Horribly: How is it possible that you can crown a chief of a different clan? I mean.... I'd always heard that this was only done within a clan.
Riss: We are the chosen clan of the chosen race. We have more rights than other clans. This is something we Vipers are very proud of.
Saves a Fox: In other words, you can push other clans around because you're stronger.
Riss: Our success only proves that we are chosen by our God.
Riss: You're from the Clan of the Cryptic Fall, are you not?
Dies Horribly: Yes.
Riss: Yours is a failed clan. You're weak. Frightened. This means that our God has not chosen you. It's that simple.
Dies Horribly: So... we're not responsible for our failures?
Riss: Exactly. It is simply the will of Maglubiyet, so you should feel no shame.
Dies Horribly: Then...
Dies Horribly: By that same logic, you're not responsible for your success and you should feel no pride.
-
Dies Horribly: What?!
Dies Horribly: That's...
Dies Horribly: impossible!
Dies Horribly: My clan has a chief! His name is actually Chief! He's probably back at the village right now!
Goblin: Looks like "Chief" never made it to your village.
Dies Horribly: He's dead?
Dies Horribly: No.
Dies Horribly: Oh no.
Duv, the White Terror: This is perfect! Think about it.
Duv, the White Terror: I, a chief with an artificial wing and you, a chief with an artificial arm. You'll replace Grem as my number one! It's poetic!
Duv, the White Terror: Dies Horribly, let us make you chief of your clan.
Saves a Fox: Don't do it. You'll be standing on the backs of your clan members for your own gain.
Duv, the White Terror: This is a dark time for Goblins.
Viper Goblin: Intruder!
SFX: Crunch
SFX: Thunk
Caption (Duv, the White Terror): There are creatures everywhere who are killing us. Stealing from us.
-
Biscuit: snif
Caption (Duv, the White Terror): We need you, Dies Horribly. Besides, don't you want history to remember you as a chief?
Caption (Dies Horribly): I... I think I'd rather have history remember that I turned you down, Duv.
Biscuit: Healing Potions.
Duv, the White Terror: Sigh. Fine. Vipers...
Duv, the White Terror: execute these two right now. They're traitors to their own kind.
Green Goblin: Is everyone okay?
Lightgreen Goblin: What was that thing? Do you think it'll come down here?
Red Goblin: What do we do now?
Dies Horribly: Fox! Klik!
Viper Goblin: Before we do anything else, we're going to carry through with Duv's orders and kill that traitor.
Dies Horribly: I'm not a traitor!
Green Goblin: Yeah, this guy doesn't seem like a traitor, he just...
SFX: Thwack
Green Goblin: Hey! What the hell are you doing?!
Brown Goblin: This one and his orange friend are going to die. Nothing can be done about that. But after they're gone, do you want the Vipers to see you as an ambassador or the next traitor?
SFX: Thwack
Dies Horribly: Ah!
SFX: Thwac.
SFX: .hwa..
Dies Horribly: Please!
SFX: Thwack
Viper Goblin: Where are the archers?
Viper Goblin: huff
Viper Goblin: huff
Viper Goblin: They're up the hill fighting the Switchbeast!
Viper Goblin: We're getting wiped out! This Orc is too strong! I've never seen anything like it!
Viper Goblin: I wish prince Grem was here. He'd carve that Orc into little pieces!
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SFX: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
SFX: kkkkkWoom
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Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:42 am, edited 2 times in total.
Duv, the White Terror: You should have just let me lead you, Fox. Your death could have been aboided. Now it's too late.
Saves a Fox: What gives you the right to rule our race? Because you have wings? So do insects.
Duv, the White Terror: I will rule our kind because I know what Goblin strength really is. It has nothing to do with our muscles or how many of us there are. Goblins strength is found in our ability to destroy. In our ferocity.
Dies Horribly (Junior controlled): Father doesn't need you, Bitch.
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Dies Horribly: Nooooo!
Saves a Fox (thinking): Was that Dies screaming up on the cliff wall?
SFX: Slish
Duv, the White Terror: Really? Your tactic was to spout some "friendship is more powerful than ferocity" crap?
Duv, the White Terror: You're a moron.
Duv, the White Terror: And obviously you're wrong.
SFX: Splash
SFX (Klik): reeeeeee!
Saves a Fox: Any adventurer will tell you that you need to be level 1 before you can reach level 2. In that same way, you need to have the power to kill, before you can have the power to choose not to kill.
Saves a Fox: It's the lesson I was supposed to learn the day I met that fox. It's what my name means. I just didn't know until now.
Lifepoints Saves a Fox: -1
Duv, the White Terror: But as I've said, you're obviously wrong. You're going to die. You've lost.
Saves a Fox: I'm going to die a Goblin. You're going to live as... something else. And since your entire purpose is to celebrate and represent all of Goblin kind, I don't think it's me who's lost.
Lifepoints Saves a Fox: -2
Duv, the White Terror: coff
Duv, the White Terror: coff
Duv, the White Terror: gasp
Duv, the White Terror: coff
Duv, the White Terror: gasp
Duv, the White Terror: ...
Duv, the White Terror: You.
Duv, the White Terror: Why are you doing this to me?!
Biscuit: Doing this to you? Everything that's happened is a result of your own actions. You must see that.
Duv, the White Terror: I must get my wing back! You're just a dumb Orc! You don't understand!
Biscuit: Really.
Biscuit: The only loss you experience, is the loss you feel. As of today, I have no leg, and yet I've lost nothing. You have let the loss of your body part shape you into something weak and insane.
Biscuit: What would you be doing if you weren't paining yourself with this loss every day?
Duv, the White Terror: How dare you kill Goblins and blame me for their deaths! When I'm ruling this realm, I will kill a thousand Orcs!
Biscuit: Sigh.
Biscuit: When a Roak Orc is young, his favourite belonging is taken from him, to teach him to rise above loss.
Duv, the White Terror: What are you doing?!
Biscuit: I'm helping you.
Duv, the White Terror: Your philosophy! Your source of strength! It's a joke! Close your eyes to the pain all you want, but the results are still there! I'm still flightless and you're crawling!
Duv, the White Terror: And if you can't feel loss, how can you feel gain?!
Baka: Hey. That's the same green metal that the Goblin's gauntlet was made out of.
Tuck: It's one of those clicking things that...
SFX: Sssssssssssssssssssss
Drasst Don't Sue (Flashback): ...
Tuck: ...that killed my other character!
Baka: Let's kill it.
Yodette: No way! We don't know this thing's challenge rating! I know what's going to happen! You two are gonna die and I'm gonna be that trope of a big boobed, bimbo running alone and panicked through the woods until I trip over something stupid and fall down and get eaten!
Tuck: What? How do you know?
Baka: Yeah, you don't know nothing.
Yodette: I know my character!
Baka: The hell you say. Until an hour ago, you thought you were playing a sorcerer, and not a cleric.
Minmax: Grape.
Minmax: Hey, the armour isn't changing to grape.
Forgath: "Grape" isn't a colour.
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: Sure it is.
Forgath: No it isn't! Neither is "puke" "glow" or "the colour of that chick's eyes from the tavern that one time"!
Minmax: What's up your butt?
Forgath: I hate carrying this Healing Potion. Why don't you carry some of it?
Minmax: Because your'e the cleric. You're in charge of healing things. I'm in charge of hurting things. We work together. Back and forth. Like a panda lung.
Necklace: KEN
Necklace: KEN
Necklace: KEN
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Pendulum!
Forgath: Oooh!
Necklace: .EN
Panel 6: In a previous version, Minmax ended with "Like a pen that cums."
Minmax: It's one of those oblivion hole thingies, made by that dink-face. Man, I would love to kill that guy.
Forgath: Well don't hold your breath. That psion is way too powerful. He literally knows every move that everyone's going to make throughout the entire dungeon crawl. That kind of knowledge makes him god-like.
Kin: I don't think he predicted the oblivion holes though. I think they're the side effect of the miscalculation he talked about.
Necklace: KE.
Kin: That would mean the holes were not included in his list of variables and so have not been part of the equations he's made to predict our actions.
Minmax: C'mon you guys, let's go.
Necklace: .EN
Kin: If we perform an action that both utilizes an oblivion hole as a prominent variable and alters all of our future actions, our activities will be as invisible to him as his are to us!
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: This oblivy-hole totally messed up the ceiling. Looks like there's a room or hallway above us.
Kin: If we were to climb up there, somewhere we wouldn't otherwise be, the psion would not be able to predict our actions for the rest of the race.
Forgath: I don't know, we'd have to get pretty close to that chunk of oblivion. One slip and suddenly your foot never existed.
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Shhh. Do you hear that?
Forgath: Yeah...
UnknownKinAlternative: Sorry, but this text is not an Easter egg.
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: ...it sounded like your voice, Kin. You think it's another 'alternate you'?
Kin: Most likely. Let's keep moving.
Forgath: I don't want to fight anymore versions of ourselves. It's going to leave me emotionally scarred.
Kin: I find it almost therapeutic.
Minmax: Sara who?
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Therapeutic.
Minmax: Sara puked it?
Forgath: Sigh. Here we go.
Kin: No, in this instance, it means that you can emotionally cleanse yourself of any guilt or inward anger by doing battle with a representation of yourself. It can be seen as symbolism made flesh.
Minmax: Oh, I get it.
Minmax: And so that's what made Sara puke?
Forgath: Hang on, guys. I see something moving up ahead!
Necklace: KEN
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ZombieMinmax: Aauuuuu.
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Minmax: Oh no! It's the zombie us'es!
Kin: Wait...
Necklace: KEN
Kin: ...we saw our zombie alternates, earlier. That's not them.
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Minmax: Oh no! The zombie us'es must've fought other us'es! And the zombie us'es bit the other us'es, making zombie other us'es!
Kin: Wow. There are a lot of them.
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: Oh no! The zombie us'es and zombie other us'es must've fought other, other us'es and bit them, making other zombie other us'es!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Badge: MM
Beltbuckle: I am great
Minmax: We'll be okay if we remember the three rules of zombies. One, if zombies bite us, we become zombie us'es!
Minmax: Two, there's always one zombie with black gunk coming out of his mouth. See? There he is. What is that black gunk?! I don't know! No one knows! It's one of the great mysteries of unlife!
Badge: MM
Forgath: Minmax, I think you're starting to get their attention. Maybe you should...
Minmax: Three! Real zombies are slow! Only fake, cheater zombies run fast!
Forgath: I can cast Turn Undead, but I need my holy symbol!
Necklace: KEN
Kin: We have to retreat immediately! The odds of one of us being bitten during this encounter are at least one in...
Forgath: Never tell me the odds!
Necklace: KEN
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: What are you doing?!
Forgath: My holy symbol is on my mace in your backpack! I need it!
Kin: Why do the two of you insist on transporting that item in backpacks, resulting in effort-consuming inaccessibility!
Necklace: KEN
Kin: I have a genius level intellect capable of minute, simultaneous calculations that quickly and passively coagulate into superior decision making skills! I think I know how much weight my own tail can...
Necklace: KEN
Kin: Gah!
Kin: Holy geezballs, that's heavy!
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: Forgath! Let's go, Dwarf!
Necklace: KEN
Forgath: Don't you have any rope?!
Minmax: You know I never carry rope!
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Minmax: But I do have this leather strap that I always carry loosely over my shoulder for some reason.
Minmax: You took an arrow to the knee.
Forgath: And yet I'm still an adventurer. Drink this.
Kin: This is actually very exciting. Not only are we now on a path unpredicted by that psion, but
Kin: we may very well be in an area that we've never reached in all of our 1,982,771 attempts.
Necklace: KEN
Minmax: Blaeck! It tastes like your dandruff!
Forgath: Seriously? An arrow through your arm is no problem, but the taste of dandruff is too much for you?
Minmax: I think I can taste your height envy.
Kin: Look!
Helmet: This is a helmet
Necklace: KEN
Sign: Verily the first to enter the circle of blue shall be victorious
Sign: And so the victors shall return to their land of home by entering the circle of red
Kin: We made it!
Last edited by Krulle on Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
